m back

so happy to get back wid my blog  after sucha long break...

A new heart is coming into existence....

   It's all different now.The sorrow is different and the joy is different.I do not know anything, of course!I do not understand what it is I live by and I can't express my feelings in words!said mother.
   This is the way it ought to be !Because, mark you,mother dear,,a new heart is growing up in life.All hearts are smitten in the conflict of interests,all are consumed with a blind greed,eaten up with envy,stricken,wounded and dripping with filth,falsehood and cowardice.All people are sick;they are afraid to live;they wander about as in a mist.Everyone feels only his own toothache.But lo,and behold! Here is a man coming and illuminating life with the light of reason and he shouts:Oh,ho!you straying roaches!It's time,high time,for you to understand that all your interests are one,that everyone has the need to live,everyone has desire to grow!The Man who shouts this is alone and therefore he cries aloud;he needs comrades,he feels dreary in his loneliness,dreary and cold.And at his call the staunch hearts unite into one great,strong heart,deep and sensitive as a silver bell not yet cast.And hark!this bell rings forth the message...'Men of all countries,unite into one family!Love is the mother of life not hate!'My brothers!I hear this  message sounding through the world!
     When I lie in bed at night or am out walking alone-everywhere I hear this sound and my heart rejoices.And the earth too-i know it- weary of injustice and sorrow,rings out like a bell,responding to a call and throbs benignly,greeting the new Sun arising in the breast of Man.
      Do you know/There is still much suffering in store for the people, much of their blood will yet flow,squeezed out by the hands of greed;but all that-all my suffering ,all my blood is small price for that which is already stirring in my breast,in my mind,in the marrow of my bones!I am already rich,as a star is rich in golden rays.And I will bear all,I will suffer all because there is within me a joy which no one,which nothing can ever stifle!In this joy there is a world of strength!

Mother - Maxim Gorky

    You know,sometimes you have a wonderful feeling living in your heart.It seems to you that wherever you go,all men are comrades;all burn with one and the same fire;all are merry;all are good.Without words they all understand one another;and no on wants to hinder or insult the other.No one feels the need of it.All live in unison but each heart sings its own song.And the songs flow like brooks into one stream,swelling into a huge river of bright joys,rolling free and wide down its course.And when you think that this will be-that it cannot help being if we so wish it-then the wonder-struck heart melts with joy.You feel like weeping-you feel so happy.
     And when you wake up and look around,you see it's all filthy and cold.All are tired and angry,human life is all churned up like mud on a busy highway and trodden under foot.
     Yes,it hurts,but you must-you must distrust man;you must fear him and even hate him!Man is divided,he is cut in two by life.You'd like only to love him;but how is it possible?How can you forgive a man if he goes against you like a wild beast,does not recognize that there is a living soul in you ,and kicks your face- a human face!You must not forgive.It's not for yourself that you mustn't.I'd stand all the insults as far as I myself am concerned but I don't want to show indulgence for insults.I don't want to let them learn on my back how to beat others.
    I must not forgive anything that is evil,even though it does not hurt!I'm not alone in the world.If I allow myself to be insulted today-may be I can afford to laugh at the insult,maybe it doesn't sting me at all but having tested his strength on me,the offender will proceed to flay someone else the next day!That's why one is compelled to discriminate between people,to keep a firm grip on one's heart and to classify mankind-these belong to me,those are strangers.
     It's so plainly evident that it's downright ridiculous-simply because men don't stand on an equal footing.Then let's equalize them,put them all in one row!Let's divide equally all that's produced by the brain and all that's made by the hands.Let's not keep one another in the slavery of fear and envy,in the thralldom of greed and stupidity!

Pinching the Inches...

Your ego is too big for you to pick up the phone and call me,
so is mine!
This tension between us,
could be some mis-spoken words
or some misunderstood thoughts,
neither you bothered to clear the air nor did I..
Your voice is too precious for you to spare on me and talk,
so is mine!
      
This friction between black and white,
all there is left are choices;
choices to be made between right and wrong..
sick and tired I am as  you are,
is it you getting weak or am I being strong?
Surprising! when did we declared this race between us?
if you are already running to win
then my feet are too blowing some dust!
Your victory is too must for you to hold on and wait for me,
so is mine!

Then again,this mixture of bitter and sweet,
you love and I hate
all your luck and my fate!
ah! this cloudy rain blocking our way
must be something I did
or something you said!
Your love and hate is too confusing for you to come into my arms,
so is mine!

Amusing it is as annoying too!
this circle of getting and loosing
love to hate or hate to love,
halt to run or run to stop!
So noisy,pulling and pushing of this chain,
crushing all out to dust
everything vanishes in between but not this pain..
never ending this process,you hold and I release
getting pleased and being pissed..
Your pride is too tall and high for you to jump and see the other side,
so is mine!

All these sensation must be burning you inside,
your heart might be crying,so is mine!
This lethal silence is tearing us apart,
you soul might be dying,so is mine!
your love might be lying,
I guess,so is mine....so is mine!


            

  
    

राजनैतीक मुल्य र मन्यताका खोक्रा पगरी गुथेका समाजका यी धमिरहरुलाई निम्ट्यान्न पार्ने औषधी के?

लेखक रमेश बिकलद्वारा रचित उपन्यास 'सागर उर्लन्छ सगरमाथा छुन'
मा कृष्णराजा नामक एक सह नायक हैइनरिख नामक मुख्य पात्र लाई भन्दै -
         टाढा बाट हेर्दा सुर्यको प्रकाशमा काँचको  टुक्रो पनि हीराजस्तै चम्क्न्छ।सगरमाथाको शिखर पनि घाममा  चम्क्न्छ र टाढा बाट हेर्दा अत्यन्त मनमोहक सुनको गजुरझै लाग्छ;चाँदीको पर्वतझै टल्क्न्छ। तर त्यसको नजिक पुगेपछी जब हीउँले हातखुट्टाका का औँला झारिदिन्छ, त्यसक  भयङ्कर भीरहरु मान्छेका चिहान बन्छन अनी थाहा हुन्छ यसको असल ,सक्कली अनुहार कस्तो हुन्छ।तपाई र तपाईजस्ता भावुक विदेशीहरु  मेरो देशको जुन सुन्दर, शान्त र विशाल व्यक्तित्व देख्नु हुन्छ,त्यो अहिले त टाढा बाट काँच हीरझैं टल्केजस्तो मात्र भएको छ। नजिकबाट हेर्दा यसको सुन्दर्,शान्त र भव्यतालाई भित्रभित्रै धमिराले खोक्राइसकेको वा मुसाले खोक्राइसकेको थाहा हुन्छ।ती मुसा र धमिरा हुन यस देशको भ्रस्ट प्रशासन,पतनशील सत्ता र त्यस सत्ताद्वारा पोशित देश र समाजका घातक  तत्व,अनी तिनैका छत्रछाया मुनी पलिएका जुम्राहरु।

 

"तिमी सजिलैसँग भन्छौ - तँ शिक्षित सचेत नारी"

इलेनले दीर्घ नि:श्वास छोडेर भनी-
     "यहाँको समयभन्दा संस्कार बलवान  छ,सामाजिक न्याय र मुलुकको आवश्यकताभन्दा शास्त्र बलवन छ।त्यसैले यहाँ मुलुकी ऐन र विद्वानहरुको भाषान - प्रव्चन, राजनीतिको नारामा नारिलाई जतिसुकै स्वतन्त्रत,समान अधिकार प्राप्त भए पनि व्यवहारमा त अविवहित छौन्जेल बाबुको अधिनम,विहेपछी लोग्नेको पैतालामुनी र बुढी भएपछी छोराहरुको दयामा हुन्छे नारि।त्यसैले म जतिसुकै सचेत र शिक्षिता भए पनि म बाबुको अधिनमा बाँच्न विवश छु।नत्र कलंकीनी ठह्रिन्छु।"  - सागर उर्लन्छ सगरमाथा छुन (रमेश बिकल)
                     Each page I turn up and turn down, the boundaries of situations,the helplessness of characters and the dark and torn reality of the society hidden beneath  the pretty faces are giving me a spine chilling shocks.And each time I feel that  chill running through my vein I couldn't stop admiring the simplistic yet very artistic way the writer have reveled  the true and torturous side of a certain era;the era where no mind was free by birth,no soul was superior by its capability and no dreams were per-suable enough unless you take birth on certain hirarchial circle with certain family names to back you up. And again it made me think harder that according to some bulky history books we may have gone way pass that era now but have we thrown that rotten culture out of our house yet?have we really adapted the change in our family circle yet?Are we( especially women at our homes) free by birth now,are our souls now considered equally pure now,are we free to think and free to dream yet???  If you have the answer please,do tell me!    
                                                                                
                

Between Me n U....

its not ur words dat hurts me most,
its ur intensions!
its not ur ignorance dat makes me cold,
its ur unwillingness to understand!
heard u hurling so many curses at me,
but damn,still can't say i hate u cuz i don n i neva wil
seen u laughing so many times at my feelings,
but damn,still can't throw u outta ma hrt n don think i eva wil
its not this distance dat makes me cry,
its dis unbearable pain u create wen m near
its not ur anger dat scares me most,
its dis feeling dat in d end
i may not mean anything to u at all..

My infuriated conscience!

Don't give me any names oh! nameless one,
I don't need my introduction from you
I know myself better than you think I do
and am capable of throwing lots of names to someone interlope as you...

Don't test my patience oh! shameless one,
just because I am holding my peace doesn't mean
I don't have any answer for your arrogance,
don't misinterpret my silence as my weakness,
the day I break it you'll run out of words to hurl back at me... 

Don't cross your line oh! infidile soul,
no one gave you any right to judge me as heartless,
just because I don't let my emotions dance all over  my face
for you to see and get amused by it
doesn't mean I am stone inside........

Don't keep yourself  in delusion oh! brainless jerk,
you think you know how to push every buttons of mine
and made yourself believe that you know it all about me,
who I was,how I am and what I can be!
Stop fooling yourself!
the day my heart pumps to revolt,
the ashes of your delusion will blow PUFF! in thin air.......

tiresome waiting...........

Waiting and waiting and waiting...
waiting for time to move faster,
this lazy lurching of wind is making me impatient
swishing and shifting,here and there, driving me crazy!
tick tick tock...getting teased by this clock,
this frantic noises,the irritating sounds
and then again the frustrating silence...
an absolute quiet, an utter solitude!  

Then again,
then again these breezes blowing more fierce and colder
pinching me with its ruthless flow,
almost like this swishing sound carries a deep pitiful sadness toward me,
so devilish and merciless!
Then again,
then again the needles of clock racing with eachother
competent,tensed and wild,
almost like their rapid paces are trying to keep up with my heartbeat,
dying to get ahead than me,thirsty to kill!
Then again,
then again these inches of ground shaking under my feet
scenes around spinning rapid and violent, 
almost like Earth suddenly got bored to death
and decided to take thousands of revolution in a split second,
boundless and careless,free at last!

Oh! this adrenaline rush, these dangerous thoughts
and this lethal waiting!
and am still waiting........... 

Cries of Solitude..

Each time my eyes opens just to see the darkness around
my feet dances in pain just to get the hold of a ground,
sleepy ears of mine gets keen to find if there is any sound
desperately my hand searches but this emptiness is all I've found,
cries of my solitude is all that sorrounds,
this infernal emptiness is all I've found...

Prem k ho???

                    Bastavma prem k chij ho, yeshma testo k tatwa chha, k le yeti naramro gari sabai buddhi,bivek ra chetanalai nai grashit gardachha.Sabai laaj,daar,ghrina,lov,moha,uumer,awastha,ishthan,samaya sabai kuralai bismrit garaudai gamlanga chhopera aune yo kasto vaavtatwa ho?Jasle sarirko upasthitilai samet gaund banaidinchha.Sarirkai madhyambata sarirkai awashyaktale indriyaharu ko sashaktatta utpanna hune yo anuvuti tara kati anautho ,lovlagdo ra priya chha. Maile Krishna ma aafulai ghulisakeki pani thaha paina,Krishna ma vitra pasera bilaya vayeko pani thaha paina.Maile thaha pauda ta ma euta paripurna mannki vayeki thiye,variyeki.....

-Krishna Dharabasi (Radha)
              I was so surprised to read this particular verse in this book because before this I never thought that a man can define the most mysterious state of a woman's heart so well in such a simplistic way..how he understood those rapidly blowing on and off bubble like feelings and connected to all reader so closely through a character..especially women! I was so totally lost in this book and made me think about lots of things for days and so many nights.This book changed my perspective toward men and how they can too understand women..at least some feelings of women. Truly amazing..and I particularly wanted to write this verse in Nepali but my priti typing sucks..so..

Yeshodha spilling her heart out to Radha...

Aa-Aafna mannka krishna haru yesai gari madhya raatma bilaudai janchhan, kahali lagdo baluwa manasthiti chhodirakhera. Premko yo atriptataa nai jiwanko ashru vandhar ho.Pachhi samma roirahana pugne aanshu haruko kuwa yesai gari khaninchha Radha  hridayama. Aaja dekhi timima pani yo kuwa khaniyeko chha, tyesh kuwalai jogau.Tyeshle bachne prerana dinchha, ekantako sathi hunchha tyo....

                So deep emotions expressed in simply marvelous words..this verse particularly took me back to time, reminded me of faces from the past, somewhere deep within I felt those forgotten emotions again...those well hidden memories came back to surface with waves in my eyes.It felt like this verse is written for me n only me and  writer is trying to amuse me with my own story written in these pages.Anyway,this novel is making me way emotional  than usual...always need a hanky by my side whenever I open this book :).

It's In Our Hands..

              The Creator gathered all of creation and said,"I want to hide something from the humans until they are ready for it.It is the realization that  they create their own reality." The mighty eagle said,"Give it to me,I will take it to the Moon." The creator said,"No,one day they will go there and find it."
              The Salmon said,"I will bury it on the bottom of the ocean." "No,they will go there too." The Buffalo said,"I will bury it on the Great Plains." The creator said,"They will cut into the skin of the Earth and find it even there."
               Grandmother mole, who lives in the breast of Mother Earth and who has no physical eyes but sees with spiritual eyes,said,"Put it inside of them."And the Creator said,"it is done."

Imperfection Never Hurts Anyone!

            When I was a child,my mum liked to make breakfast food for dinner every one and then.I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long ,hard day at work.
              On that evening so long ago,my mum placed a plate of eggs,sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad.I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuits,smile at my mum and ask me how my day was at school.I don't remember what I told him that night,but I do remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits.And I will never forget what he said,"Honey I love burned biscuits."
             later that night ,I went to kiss Daddy goodnight ant I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned.He wrapped me in his arms and said,"Your momma put in a long hard day at work today and she's real tried.And besides...a burnt biscuits never hurt anyone!"
             You know,life is full of imperfect things....and imperfect people.What I have learned to accept each other's fault and choosing to celebrate each other's differences is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing and lasting relationship.So, please pass me a biscuit.And yes,the burned one will do just fine !
                                                                                          -Author Unknown
              Its an amazing story  featured in one of the edition of Kathmandu Post. The message it relays makes this story worth sharing.Hope u all like it .         

Few words written for you!

Dearest n Beloved
    Dada,
                      Its been quite long since last time I've picked up my pen to march on a paper and today I've got one more reason to make my pen dance in its beat .And I just noticed that these ink trails seems extra fluid and graceful today because of the sheer joy n excitement of writing to you.
                     You see dada,I had tons of things to share with you but I hid my words behind silence but not cuz  I didn't wanet to share it but cuz it had been like millions of ages since last time I've heard your voice n tonight all I wanet to do was hear you out,listen those sweet n silent meaning of happiness in it.Today it feels like a different time zone ni dada! like we are roaming in different dimension .I mean, there used to be a time when we were all together sharing laughter n having fun, free from all these rushes of life,when living used to mean flying boundless n something way  more than just surviving.Life then used to be living at each moment when we didn't know that someday we'll have to carry heavy bags full of responsibilities which are gonna grow more n more heavier every single ticking moment leaving the cuts of straps on our shoulders behind.Those laughter used to hold bundles of happiness within it....pure happiness when we were unaware of the fact that life can bend in so many turns so sudden n so rapid fast that sometimes we won't get a chance to balance our steps and we'll be left behind..far far behind.
                     Whenever I recall those happy chappy memories,it still gives me that blissful feelings when we had no idea that someday Sun will set inviting the darkest nights and those nights will grow colder and obscure that our own whisper will make our heart leap out of fear leaving our confidence shaken and our dreams broken. Lots of things about life we were ignorant to,many faces of this world we were blind to and numerous challenges ahead yet to be taken and our abilities n skills to tackle it  n overcome it yet to be tested..still undiscovered n unraveled. But look at us now dada, we are all grown ups hai! Responsible,aware and calculating, we don't get lost in stupid fantasies anymore,nowadays  we make decisions of lifetime and we don't get confused over small things that used to hold bigger joys, nowadays we calculate facts of our surroundings including liabilities and profits.Finally seeing the bigger picture of life huh!
                    But slowly n silently we are losing ourselves in this bigger picture somewhere,our true-selves is slipping out of our grip while we are trying to fit in this alien world and there are only finger counting emotions left somewhere within us that can make us feel alive again, that reminds us that living doesn't mean just breathing. And sachchai dada, your acknowledgment made me feel alive again, your encouraging words reminded me of who I really am and how I truly wanna be.All of you have been living n breathing inspirations to me whom I always look up to.Few words of acknowledgment from a family is always worth  working hard for and pushing ourselves to our very limit.When you said you are proud of me and what am doing,I felt proud of myself and this feeling come very rare to me these days.Like you have said, we have seen lots of ups n down in our lives,we've climbed our mountains and stumbled through our valleys but we are survivours.Ous family has done great job in raising us,they have made us stronger and tougher,built our confidence stable enough to withstand any shake and overcome any kinda turmoil.
                  I've always believed that there is no fun being normal and absolutely no thrill being an average and I know we are not kinda people whom this society calls normal and we are absolutely not kinda souls whom we call an average.So, this road we are  walking are obviously more rough and it gets rougher in every steps but I know we'll make it to our destinations cuz we've never learned to give up and there is no option than moving forward for us.I am extremely thankful for everything I am rite now and feel blessed for everyone around me . And dada, your encouragement meant a lot more to me than u can possibly think of .I really can't find any words meaningful enough to thank you fairly enough for that.And I really didn't know in which gesture to show my gratitude to you, so I decided to do it in very old fashioned traditional way by writing you this letter in my own style but I wanet it to reach you as soon as possible so, I've fused it with lil bit  technology la..hehehe:)
                   I believe this letter with lots of respect for a big brother and heart full of love for a dearest friend has fulfilled its objectives and I really hope that you liked it dada! Your lil sis assures you that she will always stand tall against the rain, never forgetting who she really is and always..always make you proud of her.
                                                                                                                                              with love
                                                                                                                             from your lil sis n a friend
                                                                                                                                               Ruku.
                 
                          

distructive delusions!

Something struck me very hard last night
something like a thunderbolt,
I woke up around midnight; shaken and sweaty
breathless,restless and clueless...
chilled to the very core of spine!

Never have my brave and extra bold heart have trembled so bad,
and never have my stone cold and super icy eyes
have melted so carelessly,
never have I ever felt my heartbeat so reckless and dangerous!
and never have my alert and stiff brain felt broken so senselessly..

I tried to hold myself,wrapped my shaken arms around,tight and firm
as I felt like I am going to crumble down into peaces..bits and bits!
took a deep breath and stumbled to get a grip of reality
swept little drops of tears sprinkled here and there in my cheeks,
pinched my feet to awake myself and shook me head hard
to get rid of that destructive delusion!

Clock hung on the wall kept ticking and tacking in rhythm
my mind slowly griped the consciousness and my senses awaking too,
then I heard the sputtering and spattering rain outside,
creating a strange beat of rain drops hitting on my window glass,
the rhythm of tick tack and beat of sputter and spatter...slow n continuous..
calmed me down as if like someone casted a charm on me...

Flowing on the rhythm,I started to hum!..low and soft!
my feet tapping as if it has its own brain,
and my fingers started to dance on its own to add extra flicks!
As I flowed deeper and deeper into the beat,
trying to keep up my tapping feet and snapping fingers with it,
a fleeting sense past right through me,
giving my spine the same chill again,
I trembled and my heart went crazy again!

It all started to came back again,all of it..
shaking arms, sweating bids,melting eyes...all of it!
I chocked on my tune I was humming,
my tapping feet felt the earth beneath moving..rapid and violent!
my snapping fingers grew desperate to hold on to something..anything!
The cloud of delusion started to hover again,
that mist of illusion stared to block my sight again..
it went dark and darker..moment after moment!
the tick tack of clock went vulturous..
and that sputtering and spattering rain grew murderous!

Scared to death!..I rocked back and forth,
closed my eyes so hard till it hurt
and blocked my ears with my shaking palms till it went numb!
tried to get out of those vast and tangled tunnels deep deep down
leading to heinous memories sown deep in my head..
buried and never to be opened again!

As I escaped with all my might,the tunnel started to close,
rapid and destructive, still trying to engulf me inside,
still chasing to run me out and lock me inside
forever..forever in that torturous darkness!
I pursed my lips harder, clenched my jaws firm
and promised myself never to go down on those tunnels again
and never to dig up those blood thirsty memories again..
never let it breath on the surface again..not even in my dream!!






 

A Grand Idea for survival!

               I've always wondered how would it feel to get what you want exactly when you want it?How would it really be to witness all of your dreams coming to life or at least  some of it,nah!may be get few of your wishes get granted?Is there even anyone who can answer our prayers and grant us our wishes....some fairies may be! or some freaking genie in lamp!...or may be the biggest and greatest myth of all time the genetically superior creature called 'HUMANS' have created since the very start of time itself -'GOD'!Can he/she( or as i prefer IT) really make anything happen? Can it really alter the fate and change the course of time??Like every myth, 'God' is a grand idea,a super genius idea who holds its witnesses(might be real or fake),who has its believers and non believers advocating for their respective beliefs.More you believe it more you can hear its' existence ringing in your ear to deceive you and more you check out the whole idea of it and completely ignore it more its' existence vanishes in far shadow on distant.It must be the most marvelous idea human species have cultivated so superbly to fill every gap our limited brain has left and cover every empty spaces our desire to bear perfections have forgotten to occupy...its made to correct every mistakes we make throughout our entire existence....It is the most powerful almighty being, so graceful, bound free, timeless, omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient who holds every single answers any questions freaks can produce, a' knows it all being' like an oracle, an absolute perfection, every thing we dream of being but could never be......
           Its easy to dump every problems we have which we can't find any solutions for of say too lazy to look for one.If you are a follower of this grand mascaraed then you can simply dispose you disability or failure on the mighty IT by saying 'God knows it all ', can't have a will strong enough to make your own way to success then say 'only the God can perform a miracle'; its far more easy and less time and effort consuming that way,isn't it? While marching on this mascaraed, if anything good happens then praise the God before you thank those  pitiful faces that haven't lost their smile while cheering you up when you were having a meltdown, don't need to acknowledge the tiresome effort of those worn out hands which have hold on to you and lifted your crying butt when you have fallen down and been around your ruin like life for all these harsh winters on flesh n blood without complaining about a frost bite.And if the terrible results of your own mistake came and bite you in your ass then just blame it on God!curse him with every swearwords you have saved in your bird brain, throw all your pointless rage at it, after all his almighty self is untouched by your curse because it's reign thrives on nothingness....an utter blankness, like a black hole it will suck your curses and rage leaving no trace behind.Can't find a resting place for all those craps in your head then close your eyes and surf the heaven created as the kingdom of mighty It, so serene and divine, hearing nothing but long and pausing silence far far ahead..the ultimate peace...Nirvana! this grand idea is made up of super flexible components which we can apply on any kind of surface; fact or fake, drag it anywhere, bend it, twist it, fold it, turn it from every corner possible, divide, add, subtract, multiply or simplify it with any formula which you feel using like..do absolutely anything with it as our convenience at any time you prefer; as it wouldn't mind for being so bound free and time less.It is a multipurpose tool which comes handy for almost everything,the most amazing invention indeed..which can be modified in any model or craftsmanship,improve its function as the need of market, re-incarnate it,say use it and misuse it in accord to our need and desire.We can name it,play a little dress up with it; embroider or bi-dazzle it,paint it in black or white,craft it as masculine or feminine or maybe both(something in middle), put any kind of characteristics; angry/calm, blissful/resentful, forgiving/punishing..absolutely anything as our mood, can make it dance in any tune or rhythm for our amusement,it would never mind, not at all...!These widely marketed models are available in any shape,size,color,name and functions all over the world with warranty and guarantee, no chance of damage one.Nothing is untouched, no such corner of this universe is un stepped by this trend,its everywhere!
            But there is no monopoly in it too...this grand inventory gig must be the most diversified, manipulated and competitive fuss of all time.The heat of this never ending fight for the top spot never cools down and it brings the hailstorm of advertisement about whose is more powerful,whose is more famous,or ancient,or modern and compatible,or indestructible,whose is more ultimate and whose is eternal??? These kind of advertisement makes you sick till you puke.This competition for name, fame and game gets so dirty and nasty that the production houses don't even realize that the thing they are playing this blood thirsty Olympic is for something they have been advocating as the most serene and divine one..an absolute purity! They don't seem to waste a second to think that the real contenders it-selves are unknown of this competition, untouched by its rules and unaffected by its  results.The absence of any legitimate judges ,any prize for winners or any punishments for looses are enough to prove this whole thing as a nonsense little game of a foolish toddler.They don't seem to get the fact that it all started from nothing and will always melts away at nothing at the end.
           Everything I said above doesn't mean that I am a paradox, I also am a part of this pandemonium of odium,I also am a participant of this chaos; after all nobody wants to be left behind the crowd all alone at the tail, right? I believe in it even if it is just an idea as for me it fulfills its objectives for what it has been cultivated for,it surely gives me peace of few minutes, it certainly comforts me at the time of need and sometimes I even find a silence sigh of answer for my prayers! I can laugh with it; it would never complain about me being loud.I can cry as much as I want beside it ; it would never comment on my weakness.I can share my darkest secret with it because I know it would never betray me.I can be happier in front of it; it would never get jealous of me.I can shout as loud as my rage can bark; it  would never shout back at me and I can curse it in many nasty words as I know; it is the only one who would never hold any grudge against me.And all n all, its the only one who mightn't even exist but still is there, everywhere I go..I am truly thankful to those whoever had created this fascinating idea for giving me something to believe in even when there is no hope,for telling me miracle exist when that miracle could be the only way to get rid of nightmare.And I summon my heartfelt gratitude to those who have cultivated the seeds of 'It' since the very beginning and sown one in my heart too because of it I would never feel lonely even I am the only soul walking down the road in the dark night...those eyes which I feel like watching over me all the time will never rest its sight out of me..never ever!it'll follow me till the end!It is the only one for whom I can let all my heavy Armour down and just be myself as it accepts me just the way I am and don't give a damn who and how I 'll turn out to be tomorrow.Because of it,I can blame all of my humanly imperfections on it and still move forward for perfection..toward 'ITSELF'!And these are whole lots of reasons enough to be thankful for!May be I have already found my version of the almighty 'IT' within myself!
              

Soul in Throe!

Everytime,
When  the Sun reclines on the distant horizon
as the dusk flys by,
a soul far away awaits for obscure night to fall
upon the golden sky;
As darkness dawns inch by inch...
ripping the golden sheets,
a ghost like figure, pale in white
awakes from her deepest sleep!
   
Soon the flaming ablaze sets behind the placid lake
burning the house in red aglow,
the obsolete place comes to life
with a room lit dim in candle,
over the lake sweet breezes blow;
A lady in white moves inside,
leaving the earthy floor untouched
almost like floating, blessed with such a grace;
by the window she halts her feet,
standing against the cold cold breeze...
glimmering skin shines like pearl,
Oh! such an angelic face!

Ogle eyes fixed at sky,
looking for some sign above,
stares wider blankly in dark;
ignoring all those blinking stars,
all she does is wait and wait..
till the crescent moon sparks!
When the moon recedes from above,
she asks the moon to find her love
who's gone to the country behind the lea;
as she pleas the moon to speak...
speak something she lives to hear,

a news from the island across the sea!

So rapt and lost in her thoughts,
she weaves the web with dreamy threads
of love she waits for days and nights;
and all she lives to see the day,
a promise once made for return
as the moon shines high full and bright!

As the moon shines high full and bright
the lost one will come back to home
to end her dark and lonely nights!

Rain of Salvation!

Let it rain, like it had never before,
destructive,loud and violent;
wash my tears with those bulky shower
and chill the volcanic crates,
drizzle on me, Oh holy one!
while I bow you meek and silent..
            Let those dark clouds collide and crumble,
            shaking the sky, vibrate to the core,
            cataclysmic roar so raucous
            blending my cries in its echoes!
            Let those droplets hit me like bullets,
            shooting right through my body
            making millions of holes drenched with rainbows,
            glowing like a ravishing jewel.
Bathe me, Oh benign one! 
disinfect me, my soul is afflicted,
purify me from everything infernal.
I beseech you for your benediction!
grant me impunity, liberate my conscience;
as it has been benighted and bewitched!
Pour your mercy on me, kindle me with peace,
I offer you libation of my blood...
          Let the rain fall, drip! drip! drop!....
          melting me inch by inch,
          dribble that holiness from tip to toe;
          saturate me and quench my thirst.
          Let me fall, drop by drop, disintegrated,
          perished to nothingness, vanish completly,
          disconnected from dismal and disconsolate life,
          free at last, sweet salvation at last....
Let them sing the dirge of goodbyes, if they wish;
I'll listen to them as rhapsody of my freedom!
Let  them mourn few minutes of their time, if they wish;
I'll ruminate in that silence,quiet at peace!
         Let it rain, warm and drizzling,
         dispersing every drop of me,everywhere,here and there!
         Let me be soaked by the soft earth, and pulled deep..deep down to the very core,
         and let me hydrate and gratify the drought souls within!
         Let the tit bits of my remain above be drank by the mighty Sun,
         be vaporized and extricated, weightless at last...
Take me to my destiny where it awaits, soft and white above,
let me be trapped and be intrisic with them
and take part in the parade, begin the march of pride!
Deep down is the station where the march will rest,
back to the womb where I'll bloom,as I have chosen my fate!
         Pack those bags of soft and white, load as much as it holds,
         there won't be a second to stop and rest,march as fate have told,
         Dunes and valleys, hold your breath,here I come to you!
         Plains and mountains, open wide,let me rain for you!
         Let me roar, strike and fall.....breaking the hold of cloud,
         faster and fierce my speed grows as my fate pulls me down.
Let me rain, like it had never before,
soft,gentle and proud;
wash your fear with enchanted dews
and blow the happiness in you,
let me scratch harder and harder to erode the silt of guilts..
shower your darkness with sweet salvation
and set your pitiful soul free.
Be my audience as I downpour,on and on and on....
let me rain, divine and merciful, as I have never before!

                 
          

Philosophy of Insomnia

"You will suffer from everything, and to excess : the wind will seem gales; every touch a dagger; smiles, slaps; trifles,catclysms. Waking may come to an end, but its light survives within you; one does not see in the dark with impunity, one does not gather its lessons without danger; there are eyes which can no longer learn anything from the Sun , and souls afflicted by nights from which they will never recover."    - Emil Cioran

    Philosophy is like coffee or cigrette, nobody can understand the craving for it unless you are an addict yourself .Its something you can live without but once you are in it you simply don't want to. The door of addiction open from one side only...it is hard to find the door knob and turn it for exit.Everybody starts with one taste for curiosity's sake,just once and maybe once more before quitting, and one last time isn't oing to kill me and before you notice the addiction you are far too deep to get out. Then you will just find one more excuse for it, everytime.As these addiction breeds cancre and other diseases, philosophy breeds insomnia.

   As Cioran says "Only humanity has insomnia"
     Insomnia has been the most spicy dish for philosophers for centuries, no matter how much it hurts you just want it even more. Like these philosophers said
"When a man is asleep, he is no better than if he were dead; and he who loves life and wisdom will take no more sleep than is necessary for health."           -Plato

"There is no use of a sleeping man, as there is no use of a dead man....But whoever of us is most solicitous for living the true life and for entertaining noble sentiments, will keep awake for as long as possible."   -Clement of Alexandria

"Philosophy is a call to infinite reaponsibility, to an untiring wakefulness, to a total insomnia." 
 -Emmanuel Levinas

"In the night, insomnia is discussion, not the work of arguements bumping against other arguements, but the extreme shuddering of no thoughts, percussive stillness."                      - Maurice Blanchot

       Lots have been written and discussed about insomnia over the centuries but it has always ended at the same point it had started.Cioran wrote
"The tyrant lies awake-that is what defines him."

    The insomniac is bound to think about insomnia, and about what it does to thinking. In the wink of an eye, insomnia slips from thought to obsession, from earnest doubt topitiless masochism and misanthropy.Insomnia has moments of extraordinary lucidity, but it also has traps and delusions of grandeur.Lots of geniuses were insomiac, Nero, Hitler, Churchil, Edison, Kafka, Newton; all of them shared insomnia besides their brain.You enter into conflict with the whole world, with sleeping humanity. You no longer feel like one person among others, because others live unconciously.One develops a demented pride.One tells oneself, 'my destiny is diferent, I know the experience of the eninterrupted vigil'. Only pride, the pride of a catastrophe, gives you courage then.One cultivates the extaordinarily flattering feeling of no longer being part of ordinary humanity.It tears your body and inflates your ego.It magnifies and belittles. Insomnia flatters and so does philosophy.It is a commom dinominator nowadays.

"Of all the questions known to philosophy, that posed by Cioran is without doubt the most grave and most serious : Is an alliance between lucidity and joy possible?"             -Clement Rosset
      A philosophy in love with truth confronts cruel facts: lies abound, innocents suffer, everyone dies, and the universe doesn't care. There are thoughts that won't be denied, thoughts that won't let you sleep.As Cioran quoted
"To keep the mind vigilant, there is only coffee, disease, insomnia or the obsession of death!"
     Chased by regrets , Cioran strove to put philosophy behind him,like a growing shadow.In his 'Short History of Decay', he inserted an invocation to insomnia which personifies and praises it-
"Isomnia, you....in a single night grant more knowledge than days spent in repose."

"We begin to live authentically only where philosophy  ends, at its wreck, when we have understood its terrible nullity, when we have understood that it was futile to resort to it, that it is no help."
        Helplessly Cioran vanished and died in 1995 but his words and thoughts are still giving lots of lives, very good dose of Insomnia, the thing he feared most dredfully. And I am afraid that I am starting to be one of them,so I am going to bed now...be careful ,and don't let the insomia bug bite you.