distructive delusions!

Something struck me very hard last night
something like a thunderbolt,
I woke up around midnight; shaken and sweaty
breathless,restless and clueless...
chilled to the very core of spine!

Never have my brave and extra bold heart have trembled so bad,
and never have my stone cold and super icy eyes
have melted so carelessly,
never have I ever felt my heartbeat so reckless and dangerous!
and never have my alert and stiff brain felt broken so senselessly..

I tried to hold myself,wrapped my shaken arms around,tight and firm
as I felt like I am going to crumble down into peaces..bits and bits!
took a deep breath and stumbled to get a grip of reality
swept little drops of tears sprinkled here and there in my cheeks,
pinched my feet to awake myself and shook me head hard
to get rid of that destructive delusion!

Clock hung on the wall kept ticking and tacking in rhythm
my mind slowly griped the consciousness and my senses awaking too,
then I heard the sputtering and spattering rain outside,
creating a strange beat of rain drops hitting on my window glass,
the rhythm of tick tack and beat of sputter and spatter...slow n continuous..
calmed me down as if like someone casted a charm on me...

Flowing on the rhythm,I started to hum!..low and soft!
my feet tapping as if it has its own brain,
and my fingers started to dance on its own to add extra flicks!
As I flowed deeper and deeper into the beat,
trying to keep up my tapping feet and snapping fingers with it,
a fleeting sense past right through me,
giving my spine the same chill again,
I trembled and my heart went crazy again!

It all started to came back again,all of it..
shaking arms, sweating bids,melting eyes...all of it!
I chocked on my tune I was humming,
my tapping feet felt the earth beneath moving..rapid and violent!
my snapping fingers grew desperate to hold on to something..anything!
The cloud of delusion started to hover again,
that mist of illusion stared to block my sight again..
it went dark and darker..moment after moment!
the tick tack of clock went vulturous..
and that sputtering and spattering rain grew murderous!

Scared to death!..I rocked back and forth,
closed my eyes so hard till it hurt
and blocked my ears with my shaking palms till it went numb!
tried to get out of those vast and tangled tunnels deep deep down
leading to heinous memories sown deep in my head..
buried and never to be opened again!

As I escaped with all my might,the tunnel started to close,
rapid and destructive, still trying to engulf me inside,
still chasing to run me out and lock me inside
forever..forever in that torturous darkness!
I pursed my lips harder, clenched my jaws firm
and promised myself never to go down on those tunnels again
and never to dig up those blood thirsty memories again..
never let it breath on the surface again..not even in my dream!!






 

A Grand Idea for survival!

               I've always wondered how would it feel to get what you want exactly when you want it?How would it really be to witness all of your dreams coming to life or at least  some of it,nah!may be get few of your wishes get granted?Is there even anyone who can answer our prayers and grant us our wishes....some fairies may be! or some freaking genie in lamp!...or may be the biggest and greatest myth of all time the genetically superior creature called 'HUMANS' have created since the very start of time itself -'GOD'!Can he/she( or as i prefer IT) really make anything happen? Can it really alter the fate and change the course of time??Like every myth, 'God' is a grand idea,a super genius idea who holds its witnesses(might be real or fake),who has its believers and non believers advocating for their respective beliefs.More you believe it more you can hear its' existence ringing in your ear to deceive you and more you check out the whole idea of it and completely ignore it more its' existence vanishes in far shadow on distant.It must be the most marvelous idea human species have cultivated so superbly to fill every gap our limited brain has left and cover every empty spaces our desire to bear perfections have forgotten to occupy...its made to correct every mistakes we make throughout our entire existence....It is the most powerful almighty being, so graceful, bound free, timeless, omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient who holds every single answers any questions freaks can produce, a' knows it all being' like an oracle, an absolute perfection, every thing we dream of being but could never be......
           Its easy to dump every problems we have which we can't find any solutions for of say too lazy to look for one.If you are a follower of this grand mascaraed then you can simply dispose you disability or failure on the mighty IT by saying 'God knows it all ', can't have a will strong enough to make your own way to success then say 'only the God can perform a miracle'; its far more easy and less time and effort consuming that way,isn't it? While marching on this mascaraed, if anything good happens then praise the God before you thank those  pitiful faces that haven't lost their smile while cheering you up when you were having a meltdown, don't need to acknowledge the tiresome effort of those worn out hands which have hold on to you and lifted your crying butt when you have fallen down and been around your ruin like life for all these harsh winters on flesh n blood without complaining about a frost bite.And if the terrible results of your own mistake came and bite you in your ass then just blame it on God!curse him with every swearwords you have saved in your bird brain, throw all your pointless rage at it, after all his almighty self is untouched by your curse because it's reign thrives on nothingness....an utter blankness, like a black hole it will suck your curses and rage leaving no trace behind.Can't find a resting place for all those craps in your head then close your eyes and surf the heaven created as the kingdom of mighty It, so serene and divine, hearing nothing but long and pausing silence far far ahead..the ultimate peace...Nirvana! this grand idea is made up of super flexible components which we can apply on any kind of surface; fact or fake, drag it anywhere, bend it, twist it, fold it, turn it from every corner possible, divide, add, subtract, multiply or simplify it with any formula which you feel using like..do absolutely anything with it as our convenience at any time you prefer; as it wouldn't mind for being so bound free and time less.It is a multipurpose tool which comes handy for almost everything,the most amazing invention indeed..which can be modified in any model or craftsmanship,improve its function as the need of market, re-incarnate it,say use it and misuse it in accord to our need and desire.We can name it,play a little dress up with it; embroider or bi-dazzle it,paint it in black or white,craft it as masculine or feminine or maybe both(something in middle), put any kind of characteristics; angry/calm, blissful/resentful, forgiving/punishing..absolutely anything as our mood, can make it dance in any tune or rhythm for our amusement,it would never mind, not at all...!These widely marketed models are available in any shape,size,color,name and functions all over the world with warranty and guarantee, no chance of damage one.Nothing is untouched, no such corner of this universe is un stepped by this trend,its everywhere!
            But there is no monopoly in it too...this grand inventory gig must be the most diversified, manipulated and competitive fuss of all time.The heat of this never ending fight for the top spot never cools down and it brings the hailstorm of advertisement about whose is more powerful,whose is more famous,or ancient,or modern and compatible,or indestructible,whose is more ultimate and whose is eternal??? These kind of advertisement makes you sick till you puke.This competition for name, fame and game gets so dirty and nasty that the production houses don't even realize that the thing they are playing this blood thirsty Olympic is for something they have been advocating as the most serene and divine one..an absolute purity! They don't seem to waste a second to think that the real contenders it-selves are unknown of this competition, untouched by its rules and unaffected by its  results.The absence of any legitimate judges ,any prize for winners or any punishments for looses are enough to prove this whole thing as a nonsense little game of a foolish toddler.They don't seem to get the fact that it all started from nothing and will always melts away at nothing at the end.
           Everything I said above doesn't mean that I am a paradox, I also am a part of this pandemonium of odium,I also am a participant of this chaos; after all nobody wants to be left behind the crowd all alone at the tail, right? I believe in it even if it is just an idea as for me it fulfills its objectives for what it has been cultivated for,it surely gives me peace of few minutes, it certainly comforts me at the time of need and sometimes I even find a silence sigh of answer for my prayers! I can laugh with it; it would never complain about me being loud.I can cry as much as I want beside it ; it would never comment on my weakness.I can share my darkest secret with it because I know it would never betray me.I can be happier in front of it; it would never get jealous of me.I can shout as loud as my rage can bark; it  would never shout back at me and I can curse it in many nasty words as I know; it is the only one who would never hold any grudge against me.And all n all, its the only one who mightn't even exist but still is there, everywhere I go..I am truly thankful to those whoever had created this fascinating idea for giving me something to believe in even when there is no hope,for telling me miracle exist when that miracle could be the only way to get rid of nightmare.And I summon my heartfelt gratitude to those who have cultivated the seeds of 'It' since the very beginning and sown one in my heart too because of it I would never feel lonely even I am the only soul walking down the road in the dark night...those eyes which I feel like watching over me all the time will never rest its sight out of me..never ever!it'll follow me till the end!It is the only one for whom I can let all my heavy Armour down and just be myself as it accepts me just the way I am and don't give a damn who and how I 'll turn out to be tomorrow.Because of it,I can blame all of my humanly imperfections on it and still move forward for perfection..toward 'ITSELF'!And these are whole lots of reasons enough to be thankful for!May be I have already found my version of the almighty 'IT' within myself!