Pinching the Inches...

Your ego is too big for you to pick up the phone and call me,
so is mine!
This tension between us,
could be some mis-spoken words
or some misunderstood thoughts,
neither you bothered to clear the air nor did I..
Your voice is too precious for you to spare on me and talk,
so is mine!
      
This friction between black and white,
all there is left are choices;
choices to be made between right and wrong..
sick and tired I am as  you are,
is it you getting weak or am I being strong?
Surprising! when did we declared this race between us?
if you are already running to win
then my feet are too blowing some dust!
Your victory is too must for you to hold on and wait for me,
so is mine!

Then again,this mixture of bitter and sweet,
you love and I hate
all your luck and my fate!
ah! this cloudy rain blocking our way
must be something I did
or something you said!
Your love and hate is too confusing for you to come into my arms,
so is mine!

Amusing it is as annoying too!
this circle of getting and loosing
love to hate or hate to love,
halt to run or run to stop!
So noisy,pulling and pushing of this chain,
crushing all out to dust
everything vanishes in between but not this pain..
never ending this process,you hold and I release
getting pleased and being pissed..
Your pride is too tall and high for you to jump and see the other side,
so is mine!

All these sensation must be burning you inside,
your heart might be crying,so is mine!
This lethal silence is tearing us apart,
you soul might be dying,so is mine!
your love might be lying,
I guess,so is mine....so is mine!


            

  
    

राजनैतीक मुल्य र मन्यताका खोक्रा पगरी गुथेका समाजका यी धमिरहरुलाई निम्ट्यान्न पार्ने औषधी के?

लेखक रमेश बिकलद्वारा रचित उपन्यास 'सागर उर्लन्छ सगरमाथा छुन'
मा कृष्णराजा नामक एक सह नायक हैइनरिख नामक मुख्य पात्र लाई भन्दै -
         टाढा बाट हेर्दा सुर्यको प्रकाशमा काँचको  टुक्रो पनि हीराजस्तै चम्क्न्छ।सगरमाथाको शिखर पनि घाममा  चम्क्न्छ र टाढा बाट हेर्दा अत्यन्त मनमोहक सुनको गजुरझै लाग्छ;चाँदीको पर्वतझै टल्क्न्छ। तर त्यसको नजिक पुगेपछी जब हीउँले हातखुट्टाका का औँला झारिदिन्छ, त्यसक  भयङ्कर भीरहरु मान्छेका चिहान बन्छन अनी थाहा हुन्छ यसको असल ,सक्कली अनुहार कस्तो हुन्छ।तपाई र तपाईजस्ता भावुक विदेशीहरु  मेरो देशको जुन सुन्दर, शान्त र विशाल व्यक्तित्व देख्नु हुन्छ,त्यो अहिले त टाढा बाट काँच हीरझैं टल्केजस्तो मात्र भएको छ। नजिकबाट हेर्दा यसको सुन्दर्,शान्त र भव्यतालाई भित्रभित्रै धमिराले खोक्राइसकेको वा मुसाले खोक्राइसकेको थाहा हुन्छ।ती मुसा र धमिरा हुन यस देशको भ्रस्ट प्रशासन,पतनशील सत्ता र त्यस सत्ताद्वारा पोशित देश र समाजका घातक  तत्व,अनी तिनैका छत्रछाया मुनी पलिएका जुम्राहरु।

 

"तिमी सजिलैसँग भन्छौ - तँ शिक्षित सचेत नारी"

इलेनले दीर्घ नि:श्वास छोडेर भनी-
     "यहाँको समयभन्दा संस्कार बलवान  छ,सामाजिक न्याय र मुलुकको आवश्यकताभन्दा शास्त्र बलवन छ।त्यसैले यहाँ मुलुकी ऐन र विद्वानहरुको भाषान - प्रव्चन, राजनीतिको नारामा नारिलाई जतिसुकै स्वतन्त्रत,समान अधिकार प्राप्त भए पनि व्यवहारमा त अविवहित छौन्जेल बाबुको अधिनम,विहेपछी लोग्नेको पैतालामुनी र बुढी भएपछी छोराहरुको दयामा हुन्छे नारि।त्यसैले म जतिसुकै सचेत र शिक्षिता भए पनि म बाबुको अधिनमा बाँच्न विवश छु।नत्र कलंकीनी ठह्रिन्छु।"  - सागर उर्लन्छ सगरमाथा छुन (रमेश बिकल)
                     Each page I turn up and turn down, the boundaries of situations,the helplessness of characters and the dark and torn reality of the society hidden beneath  the pretty faces are giving me a spine chilling shocks.And each time I feel that  chill running through my vein I couldn't stop admiring the simplistic yet very artistic way the writer have reveled  the true and torturous side of a certain era;the era where no mind was free by birth,no soul was superior by its capability and no dreams were per-suable enough unless you take birth on certain hirarchial circle with certain family names to back you up. And again it made me think harder that according to some bulky history books we may have gone way pass that era now but have we thrown that rotten culture out of our house yet?have we really adapted the change in our family circle yet?Are we( especially women at our homes) free by birth now,are our souls now considered equally pure now,are we free to think and free to dream yet???  If you have the answer please,do tell me!    
                                                                                
                

Between Me n U....

its not ur words dat hurts me most,
its ur intensions!
its not ur ignorance dat makes me cold,
its ur unwillingness to understand!
heard u hurling so many curses at me,
but damn,still can't say i hate u cuz i don n i neva wil
seen u laughing so many times at my feelings,
but damn,still can't throw u outta ma hrt n don think i eva wil
its not this distance dat makes me cry,
its dis unbearable pain u create wen m near
its not ur anger dat scares me most,
its dis feeling dat in d end
i may not mean anything to u at all..

My infuriated conscience!

Don't give me any names oh! nameless one,
I don't need my introduction from you
I know myself better than you think I do
and am capable of throwing lots of names to someone interlope as you...

Don't test my patience oh! shameless one,
just because I am holding my peace doesn't mean
I don't have any answer for your arrogance,
don't misinterpret my silence as my weakness,
the day I break it you'll run out of words to hurl back at me... 

Don't cross your line oh! infidile soul,
no one gave you any right to judge me as heartless,
just because I don't let my emotions dance all over  my face
for you to see and get amused by it
doesn't mean I am stone inside........

Don't keep yourself  in delusion oh! brainless jerk,
you think you know how to push every buttons of mine
and made yourself believe that you know it all about me,
who I was,how I am and what I can be!
Stop fooling yourself!
the day my heart pumps to revolt,
the ashes of your delusion will blow PUFF! in thin air.......

tiresome waiting...........

Waiting and waiting and waiting...
waiting for time to move faster,
this lazy lurching of wind is making me impatient
swishing and shifting,here and there, driving me crazy!
tick tick tock...getting teased by this clock,
this frantic noises,the irritating sounds
and then again the frustrating silence...
an absolute quiet, an utter solitude!  

Then again,
then again these breezes blowing more fierce and colder
pinching me with its ruthless flow,
almost like this swishing sound carries a deep pitiful sadness toward me,
so devilish and merciless!
Then again,
then again the needles of clock racing with eachother
competent,tensed and wild,
almost like their rapid paces are trying to keep up with my heartbeat,
dying to get ahead than me,thirsty to kill!
Then again,
then again these inches of ground shaking under my feet
scenes around spinning rapid and violent, 
almost like Earth suddenly got bored to death
and decided to take thousands of revolution in a split second,
boundless and careless,free at last!

Oh! this adrenaline rush, these dangerous thoughts
and this lethal waiting!
and am still waiting........... 

Cries of Solitude..

Each time my eyes opens just to see the darkness around
my feet dances in pain just to get the hold of a ground,
sleepy ears of mine gets keen to find if there is any sound
desperately my hand searches but this emptiness is all I've found,
cries of my solitude is all that sorrounds,
this infernal emptiness is all I've found...

Prem k ho???

                    Bastavma prem k chij ho, yeshma testo k tatwa chha, k le yeti naramro gari sabai buddhi,bivek ra chetanalai nai grashit gardachha.Sabai laaj,daar,ghrina,lov,moha,uumer,awastha,ishthan,samaya sabai kuralai bismrit garaudai gamlanga chhopera aune yo kasto vaavtatwa ho?Jasle sarirko upasthitilai samet gaund banaidinchha.Sarirkai madhyambata sarirkai awashyaktale indriyaharu ko sashaktatta utpanna hune yo anuvuti tara kati anautho ,lovlagdo ra priya chha. Maile Krishna ma aafulai ghulisakeki pani thaha paina,Krishna ma vitra pasera bilaya vayeko pani thaha paina.Maile thaha pauda ta ma euta paripurna mannki vayeki thiye,variyeki.....

-Krishna Dharabasi (Radha)
              I was so surprised to read this particular verse in this book because before this I never thought that a man can define the most mysterious state of a woman's heart so well in such a simplistic way..how he understood those rapidly blowing on and off bubble like feelings and connected to all reader so closely through a character..especially women! I was so totally lost in this book and made me think about lots of things for days and so many nights.This book changed my perspective toward men and how they can too understand women..at least some feelings of women. Truly amazing..and I particularly wanted to write this verse in Nepali but my priti typing sucks..so..

Yeshodha spilling her heart out to Radha...

Aa-Aafna mannka krishna haru yesai gari madhya raatma bilaudai janchhan, kahali lagdo baluwa manasthiti chhodirakhera. Premko yo atriptataa nai jiwanko ashru vandhar ho.Pachhi samma roirahana pugne aanshu haruko kuwa yesai gari khaninchha Radha  hridayama. Aaja dekhi timima pani yo kuwa khaniyeko chha, tyesh kuwalai jogau.Tyeshle bachne prerana dinchha, ekantako sathi hunchha tyo....

                So deep emotions expressed in simply marvelous words..this verse particularly took me back to time, reminded me of faces from the past, somewhere deep within I felt those forgotten emotions again...those well hidden memories came back to surface with waves in my eyes.It felt like this verse is written for me n only me and  writer is trying to amuse me with my own story written in these pages.Anyway,this novel is making me way emotional  than usual...always need a hanky by my side whenever I open this book :).

It's In Our Hands..

              The Creator gathered all of creation and said,"I want to hide something from the humans until they are ready for it.It is the realization that  they create their own reality." The mighty eagle said,"Give it to me,I will take it to the Moon." The creator said,"No,one day they will go there and find it."
              The Salmon said,"I will bury it on the bottom of the ocean." "No,they will go there too." The Buffalo said,"I will bury it on the Great Plains." The creator said,"They will cut into the skin of the Earth and find it even there."
               Grandmother mole, who lives in the breast of Mother Earth and who has no physical eyes but sees with spiritual eyes,said,"Put it inside of them."And the Creator said,"it is done."

Imperfection Never Hurts Anyone!

            When I was a child,my mum liked to make breakfast food for dinner every one and then.I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long ,hard day at work.
              On that evening so long ago,my mum placed a plate of eggs,sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad.I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuits,smile at my mum and ask me how my day was at school.I don't remember what I told him that night,but I do remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits.And I will never forget what he said,"Honey I love burned biscuits."
             later that night ,I went to kiss Daddy goodnight ant I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned.He wrapped me in his arms and said,"Your momma put in a long hard day at work today and she's real tried.And besides...a burnt biscuits never hurt anyone!"
             You know,life is full of imperfect things....and imperfect people.What I have learned to accept each other's fault and choosing to celebrate each other's differences is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing and lasting relationship.So, please pass me a biscuit.And yes,the burned one will do just fine !
                                                                                          -Author Unknown
              Its an amazing story  featured in one of the edition of Kathmandu Post. The message it relays makes this story worth sharing.Hope u all like it .         

Few words written for you!

Dearest n Beloved
    Dada,
                      Its been quite long since last time I've picked up my pen to march on a paper and today I've got one more reason to make my pen dance in its beat .And I just noticed that these ink trails seems extra fluid and graceful today because of the sheer joy n excitement of writing to you.
                     You see dada,I had tons of things to share with you but I hid my words behind silence but not cuz  I didn't wanet to share it but cuz it had been like millions of ages since last time I've heard your voice n tonight all I wanet to do was hear you out,listen those sweet n silent meaning of happiness in it.Today it feels like a different time zone ni dada! like we are roaming in different dimension .I mean, there used to be a time when we were all together sharing laughter n having fun, free from all these rushes of life,when living used to mean flying boundless n something way  more than just surviving.Life then used to be living at each moment when we didn't know that someday we'll have to carry heavy bags full of responsibilities which are gonna grow more n more heavier every single ticking moment leaving the cuts of straps on our shoulders behind.Those laughter used to hold bundles of happiness within it....pure happiness when we were unaware of the fact that life can bend in so many turns so sudden n so rapid fast that sometimes we won't get a chance to balance our steps and we'll be left behind..far far behind.
                     Whenever I recall those happy chappy memories,it still gives me that blissful feelings when we had no idea that someday Sun will set inviting the darkest nights and those nights will grow colder and obscure that our own whisper will make our heart leap out of fear leaving our confidence shaken and our dreams broken. Lots of things about life we were ignorant to,many faces of this world we were blind to and numerous challenges ahead yet to be taken and our abilities n skills to tackle it  n overcome it yet to be tested..still undiscovered n unraveled. But look at us now dada, we are all grown ups hai! Responsible,aware and calculating, we don't get lost in stupid fantasies anymore,nowadays  we make decisions of lifetime and we don't get confused over small things that used to hold bigger joys, nowadays we calculate facts of our surroundings including liabilities and profits.Finally seeing the bigger picture of life huh!
                    But slowly n silently we are losing ourselves in this bigger picture somewhere,our true-selves is slipping out of our grip while we are trying to fit in this alien world and there are only finger counting emotions left somewhere within us that can make us feel alive again, that reminds us that living doesn't mean just breathing. And sachchai dada, your acknowledgment made me feel alive again, your encouraging words reminded me of who I really am and how I truly wanna be.All of you have been living n breathing inspirations to me whom I always look up to.Few words of acknowledgment from a family is always worth  working hard for and pushing ourselves to our very limit.When you said you are proud of me and what am doing,I felt proud of myself and this feeling come very rare to me these days.Like you have said, we have seen lots of ups n down in our lives,we've climbed our mountains and stumbled through our valleys but we are survivours.Ous family has done great job in raising us,they have made us stronger and tougher,built our confidence stable enough to withstand any shake and overcome any kinda turmoil.
                  I've always believed that there is no fun being normal and absolutely no thrill being an average and I know we are not kinda people whom this society calls normal and we are absolutely not kinda souls whom we call an average.So, this road we are  walking are obviously more rough and it gets rougher in every steps but I know we'll make it to our destinations cuz we've never learned to give up and there is no option than moving forward for us.I am extremely thankful for everything I am rite now and feel blessed for everyone around me . And dada, your encouragement meant a lot more to me than u can possibly think of .I really can't find any words meaningful enough to thank you fairly enough for that.And I really didn't know in which gesture to show my gratitude to you, so I decided to do it in very old fashioned traditional way by writing you this letter in my own style but I wanet it to reach you as soon as possible so, I've fused it with lil bit  technology la..hehehe:)
                   I believe this letter with lots of respect for a big brother and heart full of love for a dearest friend has fulfilled its objectives and I really hope that you liked it dada! Your lil sis assures you that she will always stand tall against the rain, never forgetting who she really is and always..always make you proud of her.
                                                                                                                                              with love
                                                                                                                             from your lil sis n a friend
                                                                                                                                               Ruku.
                 
                          

distructive delusions!

Something struck me very hard last night
something like a thunderbolt,
I woke up around midnight; shaken and sweaty
breathless,restless and clueless...
chilled to the very core of spine!

Never have my brave and extra bold heart have trembled so bad,
and never have my stone cold and super icy eyes
have melted so carelessly,
never have I ever felt my heartbeat so reckless and dangerous!
and never have my alert and stiff brain felt broken so senselessly..

I tried to hold myself,wrapped my shaken arms around,tight and firm
as I felt like I am going to crumble down into peaces..bits and bits!
took a deep breath and stumbled to get a grip of reality
swept little drops of tears sprinkled here and there in my cheeks,
pinched my feet to awake myself and shook me head hard
to get rid of that destructive delusion!

Clock hung on the wall kept ticking and tacking in rhythm
my mind slowly griped the consciousness and my senses awaking too,
then I heard the sputtering and spattering rain outside,
creating a strange beat of rain drops hitting on my window glass,
the rhythm of tick tack and beat of sputter and spatter...slow n continuous..
calmed me down as if like someone casted a charm on me...

Flowing on the rhythm,I started to hum!..low and soft!
my feet tapping as if it has its own brain,
and my fingers started to dance on its own to add extra flicks!
As I flowed deeper and deeper into the beat,
trying to keep up my tapping feet and snapping fingers with it,
a fleeting sense past right through me,
giving my spine the same chill again,
I trembled and my heart went crazy again!

It all started to came back again,all of it..
shaking arms, sweating bids,melting eyes...all of it!
I chocked on my tune I was humming,
my tapping feet felt the earth beneath moving..rapid and violent!
my snapping fingers grew desperate to hold on to something..anything!
The cloud of delusion started to hover again,
that mist of illusion stared to block my sight again..
it went dark and darker..moment after moment!
the tick tack of clock went vulturous..
and that sputtering and spattering rain grew murderous!

Scared to death!..I rocked back and forth,
closed my eyes so hard till it hurt
and blocked my ears with my shaking palms till it went numb!
tried to get out of those vast and tangled tunnels deep deep down
leading to heinous memories sown deep in my head..
buried and never to be opened again!

As I escaped with all my might,the tunnel started to close,
rapid and destructive, still trying to engulf me inside,
still chasing to run me out and lock me inside
forever..forever in that torturous darkness!
I pursed my lips harder, clenched my jaws firm
and promised myself never to go down on those tunnels again
and never to dig up those blood thirsty memories again..
never let it breath on the surface again..not even in my dream!!






 

A Grand Idea for survival!

               I've always wondered how would it feel to get what you want exactly when you want it?How would it really be to witness all of your dreams coming to life or at least  some of it,nah!may be get few of your wishes get granted?Is there even anyone who can answer our prayers and grant us our wishes....some fairies may be! or some freaking genie in lamp!...or may be the biggest and greatest myth of all time the genetically superior creature called 'HUMANS' have created since the very start of time itself -'GOD'!Can he/she( or as i prefer IT) really make anything happen? Can it really alter the fate and change the course of time??Like every myth, 'God' is a grand idea,a super genius idea who holds its witnesses(might be real or fake),who has its believers and non believers advocating for their respective beliefs.More you believe it more you can hear its' existence ringing in your ear to deceive you and more you check out the whole idea of it and completely ignore it more its' existence vanishes in far shadow on distant.It must be the most marvelous idea human species have cultivated so superbly to fill every gap our limited brain has left and cover every empty spaces our desire to bear perfections have forgotten to occupy...its made to correct every mistakes we make throughout our entire existence....It is the most powerful almighty being, so graceful, bound free, timeless, omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient who holds every single answers any questions freaks can produce, a' knows it all being' like an oracle, an absolute perfection, every thing we dream of being but could never be......
           Its easy to dump every problems we have which we can't find any solutions for of say too lazy to look for one.If you are a follower of this grand mascaraed then you can simply dispose you disability or failure on the mighty IT by saying 'God knows it all ', can't have a will strong enough to make your own way to success then say 'only the God can perform a miracle'; its far more easy and less time and effort consuming that way,isn't it? While marching on this mascaraed, if anything good happens then praise the God before you thank those  pitiful faces that haven't lost their smile while cheering you up when you were having a meltdown, don't need to acknowledge the tiresome effort of those worn out hands which have hold on to you and lifted your crying butt when you have fallen down and been around your ruin like life for all these harsh winters on flesh n blood without complaining about a frost bite.And if the terrible results of your own mistake came and bite you in your ass then just blame it on God!curse him with every swearwords you have saved in your bird brain, throw all your pointless rage at it, after all his almighty self is untouched by your curse because it's reign thrives on nothingness....an utter blankness, like a black hole it will suck your curses and rage leaving no trace behind.Can't find a resting place for all those craps in your head then close your eyes and surf the heaven created as the kingdom of mighty It, so serene and divine, hearing nothing but long and pausing silence far far ahead..the ultimate peace...Nirvana! this grand idea is made up of super flexible components which we can apply on any kind of surface; fact or fake, drag it anywhere, bend it, twist it, fold it, turn it from every corner possible, divide, add, subtract, multiply or simplify it with any formula which you feel using like..do absolutely anything with it as our convenience at any time you prefer; as it wouldn't mind for being so bound free and time less.It is a multipurpose tool which comes handy for almost everything,the most amazing invention indeed..which can be modified in any model or craftsmanship,improve its function as the need of market, re-incarnate it,say use it and misuse it in accord to our need and desire.We can name it,play a little dress up with it; embroider or bi-dazzle it,paint it in black or white,craft it as masculine or feminine or maybe both(something in middle), put any kind of characteristics; angry/calm, blissful/resentful, forgiving/punishing..absolutely anything as our mood, can make it dance in any tune or rhythm for our amusement,it would never mind, not at all...!These widely marketed models are available in any shape,size,color,name and functions all over the world with warranty and guarantee, no chance of damage one.Nothing is untouched, no such corner of this universe is un stepped by this trend,its everywhere!
            But there is no monopoly in it too...this grand inventory gig must be the most diversified, manipulated and competitive fuss of all time.The heat of this never ending fight for the top spot never cools down and it brings the hailstorm of advertisement about whose is more powerful,whose is more famous,or ancient,or modern and compatible,or indestructible,whose is more ultimate and whose is eternal??? These kind of advertisement makes you sick till you puke.This competition for name, fame and game gets so dirty and nasty that the production houses don't even realize that the thing they are playing this blood thirsty Olympic is for something they have been advocating as the most serene and divine one..an absolute purity! They don't seem to waste a second to think that the real contenders it-selves are unknown of this competition, untouched by its rules and unaffected by its  results.The absence of any legitimate judges ,any prize for winners or any punishments for looses are enough to prove this whole thing as a nonsense little game of a foolish toddler.They don't seem to get the fact that it all started from nothing and will always melts away at nothing at the end.
           Everything I said above doesn't mean that I am a paradox, I also am a part of this pandemonium of odium,I also am a participant of this chaos; after all nobody wants to be left behind the crowd all alone at the tail, right? I believe in it even if it is just an idea as for me it fulfills its objectives for what it has been cultivated for,it surely gives me peace of few minutes, it certainly comforts me at the time of need and sometimes I even find a silence sigh of answer for my prayers! I can laugh with it; it would never complain about me being loud.I can cry as much as I want beside it ; it would never comment on my weakness.I can share my darkest secret with it because I know it would never betray me.I can be happier in front of it; it would never get jealous of me.I can shout as loud as my rage can bark; it  would never shout back at me and I can curse it in many nasty words as I know; it is the only one who would never hold any grudge against me.And all n all, its the only one who mightn't even exist but still is there, everywhere I go..I am truly thankful to those whoever had created this fascinating idea for giving me something to believe in even when there is no hope,for telling me miracle exist when that miracle could be the only way to get rid of nightmare.And I summon my heartfelt gratitude to those who have cultivated the seeds of 'It' since the very beginning and sown one in my heart too because of it I would never feel lonely even I am the only soul walking down the road in the dark night...those eyes which I feel like watching over me all the time will never rest its sight out of me..never ever!it'll follow me till the end!It is the only one for whom I can let all my heavy Armour down and just be myself as it accepts me just the way I am and don't give a damn who and how I 'll turn out to be tomorrow.Because of it,I can blame all of my humanly imperfections on it and still move forward for perfection..toward 'ITSELF'!And these are whole lots of reasons enough to be thankful for!May be I have already found my version of the almighty 'IT' within myself!
              

Soul in Throe!

Everytime,
When  the Sun reclines on the distant horizon
as the dusk flys by,
a soul far away awaits for obscure night to fall
upon the golden sky;
As darkness dawns inch by inch...
ripping the golden sheets,
a ghost like figure, pale in white
awakes from her deepest sleep!
   
Soon the flaming ablaze sets behind the placid lake
burning the house in red aglow,
the obsolete place comes to life
with a room lit dim in candle,
over the lake sweet breezes blow;
A lady in white moves inside,
leaving the earthy floor untouched
almost like floating, blessed with such a grace;
by the window she halts her feet,
standing against the cold cold breeze...
glimmering skin shines like pearl,
Oh! such an angelic face!

Ogle eyes fixed at sky,
looking for some sign above,
stares wider blankly in dark;
ignoring all those blinking stars,
all she does is wait and wait..
till the crescent moon sparks!
When the moon recedes from above,
she asks the moon to find her love
who's gone to the country behind the lea;
as she pleas the moon to speak...
speak something she lives to hear,

a news from the island across the sea!

So rapt and lost in her thoughts,
she weaves the web with dreamy threads
of love she waits for days and nights;
and all she lives to see the day,
a promise once made for return
as the moon shines high full and bright!

As the moon shines high full and bright
the lost one will come back to home
to end her dark and lonely nights!

Rain of Salvation!

Let it rain, like it had never before,
destructive,loud and violent;
wash my tears with those bulky shower
and chill the volcanic crates,
drizzle on me, Oh holy one!
while I bow you meek and silent..
            Let those dark clouds collide and crumble,
            shaking the sky, vibrate to the core,
            cataclysmic roar so raucous
            blending my cries in its echoes!
            Let those droplets hit me like bullets,
            shooting right through my body
            making millions of holes drenched with rainbows,
            glowing like a ravishing jewel.
Bathe me, Oh benign one! 
disinfect me, my soul is afflicted,
purify me from everything infernal.
I beseech you for your benediction!
grant me impunity, liberate my conscience;
as it has been benighted and bewitched!
Pour your mercy on me, kindle me with peace,
I offer you libation of my blood...
          Let the rain fall, drip! drip! drop!....
          melting me inch by inch,
          dribble that holiness from tip to toe;
          saturate me and quench my thirst.
          Let me fall, drop by drop, disintegrated,
          perished to nothingness, vanish completly,
          disconnected from dismal and disconsolate life,
          free at last, sweet salvation at last....
Let them sing the dirge of goodbyes, if they wish;
I'll listen to them as rhapsody of my freedom!
Let  them mourn few minutes of their time, if they wish;
I'll ruminate in that silence,quiet at peace!
         Let it rain, warm and drizzling,
         dispersing every drop of me,everywhere,here and there!
         Let me be soaked by the soft earth, and pulled deep..deep down to the very core,
         and let me hydrate and gratify the drought souls within!
         Let the tit bits of my remain above be drank by the mighty Sun,
         be vaporized and extricated, weightless at last...
Take me to my destiny where it awaits, soft and white above,
let me be trapped and be intrisic with them
and take part in the parade, begin the march of pride!
Deep down is the station where the march will rest,
back to the womb where I'll bloom,as I have chosen my fate!
         Pack those bags of soft and white, load as much as it holds,
         there won't be a second to stop and rest,march as fate have told,
         Dunes and valleys, hold your breath,here I come to you!
         Plains and mountains, open wide,let me rain for you!
         Let me roar, strike and fall.....breaking the hold of cloud,
         faster and fierce my speed grows as my fate pulls me down.
Let me rain, like it had never before,
soft,gentle and proud;
wash your fear with enchanted dews
and blow the happiness in you,
let me scratch harder and harder to erode the silt of guilts..
shower your darkness with sweet salvation
and set your pitiful soul free.
Be my audience as I downpour,on and on and on....
let me rain, divine and merciful, as I have never before!

                 
          

Philosophy of Insomnia

"You will suffer from everything, and to excess : the wind will seem gales; every touch a dagger; smiles, slaps; trifles,catclysms. Waking may come to an end, but its light survives within you; one does not see in the dark with impunity, one does not gather its lessons without danger; there are eyes which can no longer learn anything from the Sun , and souls afflicted by nights from which they will never recover."    - Emil Cioran

    Philosophy is like coffee or cigrette, nobody can understand the craving for it unless you are an addict yourself .Its something you can live without but once you are in it you simply don't want to. The door of addiction open from one side only...it is hard to find the door knob and turn it for exit.Everybody starts with one taste for curiosity's sake,just once and maybe once more before quitting, and one last time isn't oing to kill me and before you notice the addiction you are far too deep to get out. Then you will just find one more excuse for it, everytime.As these addiction breeds cancre and other diseases, philosophy breeds insomnia.

   As Cioran says "Only humanity has insomnia"
     Insomnia has been the most spicy dish for philosophers for centuries, no matter how much it hurts you just want it even more. Like these philosophers said
"When a man is asleep, he is no better than if he were dead; and he who loves life and wisdom will take no more sleep than is necessary for health."           -Plato

"There is no use of a sleeping man, as there is no use of a dead man....But whoever of us is most solicitous for living the true life and for entertaining noble sentiments, will keep awake for as long as possible."   -Clement of Alexandria

"Philosophy is a call to infinite reaponsibility, to an untiring wakefulness, to a total insomnia." 
 -Emmanuel Levinas

"In the night, insomnia is discussion, not the work of arguements bumping against other arguements, but the extreme shuddering of no thoughts, percussive stillness."                      - Maurice Blanchot

       Lots have been written and discussed about insomnia over the centuries but it has always ended at the same point it had started.Cioran wrote
"The tyrant lies awake-that is what defines him."

    The insomniac is bound to think about insomnia, and about what it does to thinking. In the wink of an eye, insomnia slips from thought to obsession, from earnest doubt topitiless masochism and misanthropy.Insomnia has moments of extraordinary lucidity, but it also has traps and delusions of grandeur.Lots of geniuses were insomiac, Nero, Hitler, Churchil, Edison, Kafka, Newton; all of them shared insomnia besides their brain.You enter into conflict with the whole world, with sleeping humanity. You no longer feel like one person among others, because others live unconciously.One develops a demented pride.One tells oneself, 'my destiny is diferent, I know the experience of the eninterrupted vigil'. Only pride, the pride of a catastrophe, gives you courage then.One cultivates the extaordinarily flattering feeling of no longer being part of ordinary humanity.It tears your body and inflates your ego.It magnifies and belittles. Insomnia flatters and so does philosophy.It is a commom dinominator nowadays.

"Of all the questions known to philosophy, that posed by Cioran is without doubt the most grave and most serious : Is an alliance between lucidity and joy possible?"             -Clement Rosset
      A philosophy in love with truth confronts cruel facts: lies abound, innocents suffer, everyone dies, and the universe doesn't care. There are thoughts that won't be denied, thoughts that won't let you sleep.As Cioran quoted
"To keep the mind vigilant, there is only coffee, disease, insomnia or the obsession of death!"
     Chased by regrets , Cioran strove to put philosophy behind him,like a growing shadow.In his 'Short History of Decay', he inserted an invocation to insomnia which personifies and praises it-
"Isomnia, you....in a single night grant more knowledge than days spent in repose."

"We begin to live authentically only where philosophy  ends, at its wreck, when we have understood its terrible nullity, when we have understood that it was futile to resort to it, that it is no help."
        Helplessly Cioran vanished and died in 1995 but his words and thoughts are still giving lots of lives, very good dose of Insomnia, the thing he feared most dredfully. And I am afraid that I am starting to be one of them,so I am going to bed now...be careful ,and don't let the insomia bug bite you. 

Words to live by...

The six most important words:
"I admit that I was wrong."
The five most important words:
"You did a good job."
The four most important words:
"I believe we can."
The three most important words:
"May I help?"
The two most important words:
"Thank you!"
The  most important word:
"We"
The least most important word:
"I"
                    Sometimes very simple and small words can make a huge change in someone's perspective and solve big misunderstandings. And sometimes words can create chaos and shatter even most strongest bonds.Words are both ailment and poison; it can heal and kill.So, use your words wisely.       

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Numbers! Numbers! Tell me the secret....

                                                 1-1-2-3-5-8-13-21

         From the surface glance everyone can notice that these numbers are nothing more than some randomly picked numeric arranged in ascending order but math freaks who love to play little pranks are probably well known to this progression. This progression is a childish image of a prankster or a very well calculated succession popped out from devious mind of a genius, you can put it in any way you like. This succession of numbers was created by the thirteen century mathematician Leonardo Fibonacci hence, widely known as Fibonacci sequence. When I first saw it the only meaning I have been able to pull up was either Fibonacci was a big short circuited braincase who has seen a secret meaning in some random bunch of numbers which can only be understood by other crack potted crazy as himself or it is just a playful prank of one of the busiest mind in the world trying to seek some fun and satisfy his inner deep cored childishness. But at the end maybe it is both.

        Enough about my thoughts, you must be so willing to kill me for testing your patience now. Well, Fibonacci sequence is a progression in which each term is equal to the sum of the two preceding terms. Why don’t you check it for yourself?-

                    1-1-2-3-5-8-13-21

   1+1=2, 2+1=3, 3+2=5, 5+3=8, 8+5=13, 13+8=21

          The prank part about this is it is dubious enough to make someone think so hard to melt their brain fat trying to figure out what hidden meaning these numbers exactly represents or is it just some super genius calculation stuff and at the end when its meaning finally dawns on you its nothing but a simplistic cryptographic joke. OR is it?? It might look like some mathematical gibberish to us but some got eyes keen enough to see a very beautiful meaning hidden beneath it. They believe this particular sequence is

somehow connected to the most beautiful and magical art; the art of Mother Nature itself. This sequence gave birth to another mystery of nature’s most incredible magic -1.618. Aw! another bunch of numbers? You must be hating me to your gut huh? Well I bet whoever are little more curious about math and has done some mathematical investigation must be familiar with this number. 1.618 is simply known as PHI, mathematicians around the world often brags that PHI is one H of a lot cooler than PI and it really is actually. And PHI is particularly very much praised and loved by artists including my favorite Leonardo Da Vinci.

        It is considered as the most prettiest number in the universe not only because it’s seemingly mystical mathematical origin but also because the true mind boggling aspect of PHI as a fundamental building block in nature. The world famous Fibonacci sequence gave birth to the most beautiful number PHI (1.618) as the quotients of adjacent terms possessed the astonishing property of approaching the number 1.618 . Pretty cool huh? Well not too cooler than the property and inextricably tied relation of PHI with nature as plants, animals and even human beings all possessed dimensional properties that adhered with eerie exactitude to the ratio of PHI to 1.PHI’s ubiquity in  the nature clearly exceeds the coincidence and so the ancients assumed the number PHI must have been preordained by the creator of the universe and early scientists crowned PHI as the Divine Proportion. Now you must be really curious to know how exactly is this PHI so connected to nature and when you’ll know the facts of it you might actually find some answers for your own silly childish curiosity you so often wondered about when you were a kid and I bet no one ever had any answers for those.

-    If you have ever studied about the relationship between female and male in honeybee community then you might be aware that female bees always outnumber male bees but have you ever been curious enough to know by how much? Even if you were there is no way you could count all of them. But some scientist never grow up and waste their time by counting bees all around the world .An astonishing fact they uncovered in that course is that if you divide the number of female bees by the number of male bees in any beehive in the world, you always get the same number ‘PHI’. And when you reveal this kind of magic no one can ever say counting bees is total waste of time, can they?

-    A spiral sea shelled nautilus is a cephalopod mollusk that pumps gas into its chambered   shell to adjust its buoyancy. Can you guess what the ratio of each spiral’s diameter to the   next? Come on, who can right? To our biggest surprise it is always 1.618-PHI.

-   Lots of people loves sunflower including me. If you have ever got a chance to play with it you must have wondered how beautifully those seeds grow in opposing spirals. Amazingly, the ratio of each rotation’s diameter to the next is always undoubtedly 1.618.

             Same goes for spiraled pinecone petals , leaf arrangement on the plant stalks, insects segmentations and whole lot of bunch in nature all displaying astonishing obedience to the Divine Proportion.

         But what does it have to do with art? No one can deny the inseparable connection of art with nature and when it comes to ‘art’ the first name that always pops in my mind is none other that a genius named Leonardo Da Vinci who was certainly way ahead and beyond his time. Da Vinci was a nature lover and had very great understanding of PHI which he painted all over his paintings .One masterpiece in specific which perfectly resembles the mystical properties of PHI is the famous ‘The Vitruvian Man’- a perfect painting of a nude man laying inside a circle with his limbs stretched out and spread wide in an eagle like position, an amazing masterpiece from a mastermind. The Vitruvian Man was named after Marcus Vitruvius, the brilliant Roman architecture who praised the Divine Proportion in his text ‘De Architectura’. Nobody understood better than Da Vinci the divine structure of human body as he actually exhumed corpses to measure the exact proportion of human bone. This kind of act earned him a name as worshiper of Dark art. He was the first one to show that the human body is literally made of  building blocks whose proportional ratios always equal to PHI and ‘The Vitruvian Man’ is considered as the perfect structural painting of human body in terms of measurement. You can often find this painting printed in T-shirts and stickers. Measuring those spiral shells, sunflower seeds’ rotations and all those stuffs sounds kinda impractical and time consuming for us but here is something you can really try and see it for yourself if you want a closer look at magic of PHI-

-If you measure the distance from the tip of your head to the floor and then divide that by the distance from your belly button to the floor then you will find the result equals 1.618.

- Measure the distance from your shoulder to your fingertips and then divide it by the distance from your elbow to your fingertips, you will find PHI.

- Likewise,Hip to floor divided by knee to floor- PHI again, Finger joints, toes spinal division, its all PHI.

      It is all over our body, in other word, each of us is a walking tribute to the Divine proportion and Da Vinci has shown it through The Vitruvian Man. The chaos of the world has an underlying order and when the ancients discovered PHI, they were certain they had stumbled across God’s building block for the world and they worshipped the nature for that. It makes everyone believe somewhere deep down in their heart that God’s hand is evident in the nature, the mysterious magic inherit in the Divine Proportion was written at the beginning of the time and man is simply playing by Nature’s rule. And what better way to imitate the beauty of the creator’s hand than art? In this attempt to praise Divine Proportion through various forms of art, Da Vinci was not alone in the league. The artwork by Michelangelo, Albrecht Durer, the architectural dimension of the Greek Parthenon, the pyramids of Egypt, structure of Mozart’s sonatas, Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony, works of Bartok, Debussy, Schubert, Stractivarius using PHI to calculate the exact placement of the F-holes in the construction of his famous violin ; all of these artists belonging to various time line over the ages and their arts still alive to tell us about the magical PHI is simply marvelous heritages to mankind to pass on and on for generations and generations.

       If you have read my previous article on religious aspect over Divine Feminine ‘Mother Earth ruled by men’, then you must be familiar with the symbol Pentagram or Pentacle( a geometrical star made by five straight lines) which is a divine symbol of sacred feminine and planet Venus-this ancient symbol is considered both divine and magical by many cultures and Nature worshippers and there is a very strong reason behind it, because if you draw a pentacle ,the lines automatically divide themselves to the Divine Proportion as the ratio of the segments in a pentacle is always equal PHI. For this reason , this symbol is not only considered as the ultimate expression of the Divine Proportion but also has always been praised and worshipped as the  sacred symbol for the beauty and perfection associated with the goddess and the sacred feminine.  

        Now, this is pretty cool, isn’t it? To our amazement, how everything is so deeply intertwined; nature with humans, humans with arts and arts with nature again. Whether we realize it or not, it is always there ready to be revealed. These secrets of nature has been painted in colorful layers, sang and heard in sweet symphonies, seen in big jaw dropping structure and written in bundles. All we need is a curious mind, a pair if keen eyes and a dedicated heart to reveal it to ourselves and when you finally taste the magic, everything seems more beautiful, perfect and obviously meaningful. Enjoying every little things in life makes it adventurous and worth living.   

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Mother earth ruled by Men

     Ah! What should I write? Surprisingly,for the last few weeks my mind has gone completely blank; not completely to be honest but nothing worth noting down. And as if it wasn't enough disaster itself to handle, my dreams had all been so messed up, it felt like falling asleep is a torture from devil.So, to check these nonsense away from my delicate Grey matter I decided to finish my due reading.
    Holding a cell phone I was trying to decide which one to read now and believe me making a choice is the most hardest thing human beings are forced to do.Then saving me from trouble it struck me that I have already read all of them except one which I have saved for last as I have already seen the movie version of it.While my fingers were busy pressing key after key, my brain was working harder to figure out which page was I reading last time.A sigh of deep satisfaction exhaled when i finally saw E-Book and punched the harder on the title 'The Da Vinci Code'. I hate going through all those keys to reach my desired destination, never been so patience one I guess! Going through waves of thrill with words I realised that this has what gone terribly missing for the past few weeks. knowing that the details and informations given about official documents,organizations and historical events,datas in this book are facts and accurate added extra exitement in me .The chapter I unfolded was mostly about violent series of clash between ancient Pegan civilization and newly born Catholic church.To replace thousands year ancient Pegans the newly born catholic church have dipped their hands in pool of blood for centuries.The central character 'Robert Langdon' was talking about desperation of catholics to be power point of the world and the unforgivable sins they have committed in the name of God and holyness under those black hooded robes.It took me by surprise when I knew that the pentacle or say pentagram (a geometrical star made by five straighe lines) is actually a divine sign of Pegan goddess Venus which symbolizes feminine beauty and perfection.This symbol of sacred feminine actually represents the planet Venus and I was stunned to learn that planet Venus trace a perfect pentacle across the ecliptic sky every four years and this particular phenomenon was used by Greeks to organize Olympic games in every four years schedule as a tribute to the magic of  Venus and they almost made the pentacle  as official Olympic seal but modified as five circles to better reflect the games' spirit of inclusion and harmony.
       As part of the Vatican's campaign to eradicate pegan religion and convert the masses to Christianity, the church  launched  a smear campaign against the pegan gods and goddess recasting their divine symbols as evil.With huge propaganda they altered the meaning of pegan symbols as a result ;Poseidon's trident became the devil's pitchfork, the wise crone's pointed hat became the symbol of witch and Venus's pentacle became the sign of devil itself. not only that, the nature worshiper pegans became devil worshiper, intellectual women were named witches, medicine practitioner were named devil's followers, herbs and medicine collectors were accused of witchcraft and were brutally punished and burned alive in number of millions.The world envisioned by ancients with well symphonic harmonic of two halves-masculine and feminine has now lost its feminine half in the battle of power aroused by men's unsatisfying ego.The nature and universe once believed to be ruled by gods and goddesses working together, a perfect yin and yang, to keep balance of power is now overshadowed by the race to hols superiority. Whenever I encounter these so called holy books written by 'human' of course, encoding these delirious crack poted ideas of women naturally bounded to endure more suffering than men as added penance for 'original sin' makes me  laugh at those pig headed brains trying so desperately to prove masculine superiority as their birth right.Most of these men written holy books blab all the time that women are originated from men's backbone and women are left side of a body as men are 'right side' and all these baseless superstitions propagated by these 'right side' as they say throughout centuries resembling left hand as dirty, left feet as unlucky,left side of brain as irrational one etc...etc... makes me laugh even harder at their foolishness that how could they forget that heart actually lies at left and lots of human anatomical researches has shown that the ratio of well functioning brain is relatively higher in those who are naturally lefty.All and all, men's ego has made them ignorant to the universal fact that women are not the one who comes from men, its actually men who comes from women, created within a woman and rather than acknowledging the simple fact men are so busy calling this natural pain of parting two bodies at birth as a punishment? Punishment for what actually? original sin? huh!.....for the matter of fact the concept of original sin itself is a crap cultivated to over look woman's sacrifice and  divinity of sacred feminine.All these false fabrications, superstitions and propaganda relating with women are just well planned divine feminine eradicating cult.Over the era it seemed Eve's bite from the apple of knowledge was a debt women were doomed to pay for eternity.
      I am not trying to evoke any kind of revolution here, this world has seen enough of those already and most of them were just mere steps to climb up high in public eyes with their fluent and slippery talks and weightless promises they couldn't keep up with. I am just discordant to the judgments people often jumped in seeing only one side of a coin and the lack of curiosity their baseless judgments had caused to lift the curtain and divulge  the full truth.I want to quince my thirst for truth, I want to flip the coin and see what is hidden beneath all these fabrications ; I want to tear this curtain of misconducted religious and social rituals and see what side of truth has been kept covered from keen eyes under all of these well cultivated superstitions and propaganda.And don't misunderstand my intention as I am not trying to offend anybody's personal, religious as social values ,all I am doing is peeking through the tiny loop holes society has left to decipher the mysteries hidden all over the history and trying to find missing facets of truth to solve the puzzle for my own curiosity's sake.What I've written here is just a window scene of the deceived world we are living in.Still, a flickering beam of hope to witness the rise of sacred feminine claiming its righteous dignity to install equality and balance in this mother earth ruled by men is glimmering at the distant horizon within my hopeful heart.If I've hurt anybody's personal ego, religious values and social norms ( unintentionally of course ), even then I really don't see any need to apologize for taking the liberty to write a piece of my mind.So, you can suck it up! and live with it.
      As usual , I've completely lost track of time....its already 4 a.m. and still lots of words have remained unwritten and lots of feeling unspoken.Huh!....maybe next time. So for now, good morning to you and nity nite to me.             

Beyond the stars

Beyond the stars lie worlds many more,
yet to be taken are love exams many more;
Empty of life aren't these environs,
hundreds of caravans there are still many more;
Be contended not in the  manner of the world,
gardens and nests there are many more.
If lost be a nest,why should you worry?
sighs' and lamentations' stations there are still more!
   
     An eagle you are, your task is to fly,
     in your front exists skiesmany more;
     Don't get bogged down in just the present period,
     because your times and stations are many more.
     The days are gone I alone in the world,
     my confidents here now are many more.

  A beautiful poem by an amazing poet Allam Iqbal. I completly fell in love with this poet when I first read this poem and it made me hungry for more. Simple words yet deep and vast meaning. simply marvellous!

    

Lethe

Give me the drink of the fluid ,that disintegrates,
And lend me the sweet balm and blessing
of forgetfulness, empty and strong
Lethe,oh! Lethe
    Hold me near, unravel the stars,
    as I speed through the heavens,
    speed through the night
    For you are my blade and my rope
    you are my, you are my Lethe,
    you are my all
In currents of cobalt
you strom through my heart,
to severe to puncture
the memories that burn
let sweep through arteries
in sharp stabs of pain
You talon-like fingers to kill me again
    Steal me, invate me and charge me again
    for I burn and I shudder
    burn with each movement of
    so, cleansed through a floodlight
    I appear, renewed and reforged
    Caressed by the sweet balm and blessing
    of forgetfulness, empty and strong
    Lethe
Hold me near, my only friend and guide
As I drown through your fingers
drown through your love
for you are the life that I hate
you are my,you are my,
    Drag me down, in passionate sighs
    with the ocean above me
    and flames in my eyes,
   And grant me a life I can live without
   take me away, take me away
From the life that I hate.

 Every time I listen to this song millions of known-unknown feelings bubbles up in my mind makin my heart all haavy and my eyes all damp trying to control those feelings from surfacing out.
This is an amazing song by 'Dark Tranquility'. And I bet that metal fans go crazy about this song.First time i heard it,the poetic lyric and blasting blend of music made me absolutely speechless and i had lots of gooesbumps too. Some says it is about obsession over pure love and some claims it is about addiction over cocain...and I say whatever it is about I share the same obsession and I got completely addicted to it.Hope you like it.

known unknowns....

Reports that say that somethings hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that it is to say we know there are somethings we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns- the  ones we don't know we don't know.


very puzzling but absolutely true and honest and ofcourse fun words from US Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld.....re read it and you'll say Ah!

break free...n come back to me....

You say if you could fly, you'd never come back down
You only have eyes for that blue, blue sky
You've yet to learn what sadness is,
and are just now grasping what pain is like....
        Even the feelings I have for you
        must be expressed with words.
        As you wake from a dream into an unknown world,
        spread your wings and take a flight!
You say if you could fly, you'd never come back down
You only have eyes for that blue, blue sky.
You know if you can just make it through,you'll find what you seek,
So keep trying to break free to that blue, blue sky.....

Speak

Speak that your lips are free!
Speak! Your tongue is yours till date!
Delicate your body is yours,
Still yours is your soul!
      Behold! In the blacksmith's shop:
      Red is iron, fiery embers;
      Getting opened are locks skirts,
      Spreading are chain's skirts.
Speak: This little time is sufficient-
Before the death of body and tongue.
Say! That truth survives till date!
Speak, whatever you have to, speak!
                                                      -Faiz Ahmed Faiz.

Separate is my story

Separate is my story, orchestra and music is separate

My tavern and bottle and glass are separate.

        Intoxicated is my craving and Dionysus my heart

        My chest is my music and violin is my voice

O religious men!

You've your own religion and I have my own

Your faith is God; and my objective human being

       Your God is delighted with temples, mosques and convents,

        My God feels happy about love, unity and sensitive hearts.

I roamed about, prostrated to the Philosophers, Brahmins and Saints,

My wounds and ailments found ultimate remedy through my own being

        Neither jealousy nor grudge, neither worries nor fear,

        In front of friends and sympathizers my slate is clear.

A friend to friendship I stand, what this enemy can do to me?

In this garden of friendship, enemy too is a flower to me.

        As long as money is dearer than the human beings,

        Up to then the beggar dependant on me will keep ruling me.

To be free, destroy oppression, chase away fear,

This is my craving, my voice and my mission.

Amazing words from late poet Abdul Ahad Azad. It is the English translation of urdu poem. These words holds power to make you sit alone and think deep for hours.Hope you'll take some time alone to think too and really understand the meaning.

i have poison inside me

        I have poison inside me which I have kept for too long…now it is breaking its threshold and I am too weak or say too coward to hold it back ; its bubbling through my veins , leaking from my eyes which burns my cheek and chest  like acid drops when it lands. It is falling with my words which feels like bombardment  in my ears , and now it is escaping along my breath which is clouding my vision like a haze of gas throwing my brain into utter darkness.

        This poison is scratching my throat , making it hard to breathe .I wish I could just stop breathing and hear my heartbeat slowing down until it becomes just a soft ud in my eardrum and finally comes to halt with a ‘tick’ and a dead silence afterward. Its burning my nose like ammonia and I can almost smell the horrible death in it. Its coming out from everywhere and my two hands are not enough to hold it back. I wanna spill it all out at once without delaying a second cuz it is burning every bit of a goodness inside me,it is squeezing every drop of emotions from my heart leaving it cold and dry like a stone, it is sucking every inch of air from me lungs leaving it to wither and crumble like dry leaves under a worn out tree. It is squeezing my stomach so hard forcing it to crawl up in a bundle of knot. But no matter how much the unendurable pain rises, I mustn’t let a single drop of this venom  touch the ground.

       But I am loosing my grip now, I am feeling numb and cold already. I can’t seem to hold my ground steady. i can’t clear my eyes and drag my brain from the utter darkness. I am loosing it, I can’t take it anymore…I have a ton of weight inside my chest where I used to feel my heart beating. I am gasping loudly for air but it feels like my throat is blocked and my lungs are all jammed .I am gasping even harder like a fish out of water. My eye lids feels heavy, the picture infront of me are now nothing but a blurr. My knees are shaking like its going to shatter any moment now. My whole body is trembling like all the joints have suddenly starting to fall apart. I’ve let my guard down infront of  this pain. There is nothing I can do now except to prepare myself for the worst. But my conscience is still shouting at me not to give up so easy.I mustn’t  let it escape the jail of my body cuz it’s the only urn made to hold it .I should pull myself together, I should slap myself out to consciousness, I must jerk myself up from the ground and suck all the poison back in me again.

        Cuz if I didn’t it’ll burn all the happiness around me which I have nurtured so gently for so long. I can’t sacrifice all those happiness I’ve collected piece by piece from all those horrible past and terrifying present  only for my tomorrow. I can’t see my happiness burning  which I have sown as a seed in the ground of my pain, watering with my tears, nourishing with the light of hope and see it grow leaf by leaf, climbing with twig by twig and putting buds upon buds. It is too much precious to throw up for pain. I can’t even imagine to see those green leaves burning into flames, gradually loosing its colour  and crumbling to ashes. I can’t see those twigs crawling back trying to jerk off the flame and I certainly can’t stand the feeling of helplessness I’ll feel to see those beautiful buds withering and dying before even the first blossom.

       I must hold on to it . I must stand firm on my ground, my happiness depends upon my rise and fall. I must save my happiness But what about my goodness, my emotions? What will I do with these happiness without any goodness to protect it and any emotions to feel it? What is the value of happiness if I am stone inside? What is the meaning of those blossom to bear if I can’t breathe in the sweet fragrance in my lungs? What?? Tell me which one is wroth saving, my goodness and emotions without which i can't feel a thing meither good nor bad, neither right nor wrong ,neither happiness nor sadness OR should i choose happiness without which my life will be sad and mesarable forever which has already cost me so much pain ,tears and hope to nourish it and now can i just abandon it when it is time to harvest the fruit I've desired most and lived my life through all those rough edges life cutted out for me? Which one is more valuable to save, protect and preserve OR which one is less precious to desert, abandon or left out? Which one???
     So, I guess; either way this is one bargain of loss for me anyway...,

An ode to a Muslim Mullah

You can yourself say;
who in their history  got murdered their own heroes?
who in the world brought disgrace to sagacity and thought?
In the masses hearts, who to its flourishing bold ignorance brought?
who the heapes of corpses hold upon their shoulders?
who to the people in 1947 itself exibited the Hell's scenes?
                        who Himalayas of tyranny produced upon the Bengalis?
                        who humiliated and wretched rendered the poor Afghanis?
                        who put out thousands hovels' lamps in Punjab?
                        who in the mad aims drowned the innocent and pauper Kashmiris?
         Over and above the poverty here, we've ignorance too, unemployment also, cunning as well,
         Over and above the powerlessness, we are helpless too, evil-minded also, ill-tempered as well,
         Our pledge to our backwardness is unnatural too,unbreakable also, long-lasting as well ;
         Due our durable slavery we have on us an immense treasure of disgrace as well....
We keep shivering continually by your followers and your partner's names ;
We keep surviving merely for the imagination, memory and hope of your wrath and calamities.
There is no trace anywhere of your greatness, your knowledge and your blessings in us;
We prostrate before you only due to our destroyed hearts, devasteted sagacity and wretchedness.
                      Even then you complain that we are no True Believers!
                      If we aren't True Believers\, you yourself are no wise Lord either!

   This is an English translation of urdu poem by Zihannasheen. I had a big hangover of this poem when i first read it. hope you like it too...

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what sud i write about???

             Hey guys! Watsup?jus trana write smthin' but nathin' is poppin in ma tiny little mind.Neva stared so long on a blank pages before....wonder where n how i sud start it.Oh! so silly of meh! i don even know wat m i writin bout yet. wanna find some subject to talk bout, to spill some ink on blank pages...it sucks to feel topicless and these blanknees of white papers are killing me. They are starin back at me and shoutin me to move ma bony fingers on them...ah! i can't stand their crackling sound in ma eardrum anymor. i wan them outta ma site, instead they are flying all over the places circling poor , helpless me like a buncha ghosts huntin' a darlin lil doll.Ooo! m so gonna catch'em n tear them in thin shreads, mash'em under ma shoes n vanish'em like dust.( don kno how to put sound effect of tearin n mashin in words..hehe..)
            Naw dat luks good.Look who is laughin n crackin n flyin all over ma head now...hah! Ya! u sud hav thought bou'it before i teared u into pieces n smashed you to dust..Ha!
            Oh dear lord! wats happenin? Why are those tiny pieces assemblin togeda n how come they are turnin white again? Where is that cracklin sound comin from?Why do i feel like smthin is starin me from behind.....Ah! wa..wwa..why is ma head spinnin' Somone make it stop...Please!for da sake of books..somone make 'em stop .Give  me somethin' to write....please..i beg ya!

Glory of Us

                                                    Glory of Us
                 This word is as glorious as it sounds. It carries the glory of many unified. So the glory of this word is extraordinary.It makes you feel as glorious as ever,like you have won the fiercest battle of all time; a battle between humanity an inhumanity. 
                   It gives the glory so uncanny like you have just been waken from ages of deep sleep and witnessed the first rays of dawn as it wakes you up from ages long slavery to our own dark sides and makes us see good in our inner conscience. It makes you feel glorious as you have just touch the bottom of the deepest ocean ever and found the most expensive pearl in it as it makes you couragious enough to dive in the depth of vast sea of unity and help you find the most precious pearl of all time; humanity. It makes you feel as glorious as you have grown your wings and took your flight to touch your share of sky as it really give you wings of freedom and helps you take off to touch your share of sky with clear vision to see through every dark clouds hovering around  you. That is the glory you feel when you have someone walking by your side all the time and helps you find the answers to develope and nousrish the buds of humanity growing in your heart and protects it from every unhuman bacteria and help that humaity inside  to flourish into goodness and bear love , care affection in the ground of unity.

power of us

                                                   Power of Us
           This small word might seem leaner ang thinner as you write and it migh sound shorter and ligher as you speak but the power of this word is beyond imagination.As you all know you can't gudge a book by its cover, you can't gudge power of  a word by its size. And i am telling you that you shouldn't get fooled by its size, not at all. because it would be too foolish  to neglect this word by its size.
              Only those are known to its power who have drown themselves in its depth and tasted the sweetness of it. The main source of this fierce power fo this small word is unity. Unity is strength and this word is loaded with it. The word 'Us' itself symbolises unity, it is like a synonyms to unity and that is the main power sourse of it. Even those people who uses this word are strong and should not be messed with. Because they are never alone. They always have someone close by them to help them out with their problems.They always have their pairs of helping hands to pull then out of troubles and push them to climb up.They always have extra pair of eyes to watch out for them. This word not only symbolises unity, it also resembles love , care, affection  and humanity itself.

sweetness of us

                                            Sweetness of Us
        The sweetness of the word us is undiscribable. To know this sweetness you are going to have to taste it yourself. It is something you can't feel by other's  experience. You must be the one to experience it to feel it.
            As the experienced one tends to describe in simple words, they say that the sweetness of the word 'us' is unlike anything that exist in this virtual world.It is a gift  from heaven which finds senses in every kind of nonsenses, it is a logic beyond any logics which gives you the answers of every questions that pushes you to lonelyness. Maybe  thats why we call it Magic.It brings sanity to every bit of insanity in you and makes your vision clear. As it teaches you to put 'Us' on top of your priority list before 'Me' and 'You' ; it washes out every bit of selfishness inside you and makes you capable enough to think about others first. That gives you an uncanny quality to see inside your conscience and find satisfaction in your actions.It gives you the power of free will by which you can act however you would like .Its  clears every dark clouds hovering around your eyes and cleares your vision to see your conscience. Its cleans all those useless unhuman contents in your heart and makes it wider and spacious enough for humanity and decent thoughts.
          

depth of us

                                                           Depth of Us
       As the word us is vast, its depth is immesurable too. You need a big tank of courage to  make yourself fit to dive in the depth of 'us'. Once you dive in the depth you can never get out of the whole idea of it or say you would never want to get yourselves detached from the sweetness and the sane humanity you feel in this depth.. More deeper you go more easy it would be to breath in this sanity.
        And the best part is you would never have to get out of it cuz more you go deeper more it grows deeper than your sight can measure. And you wouldn't have to worry a bit cuz more time you spend in this depth your tank of courage will get more loaded and feel more lighter. As deeper you go the surrounding around you will grow more  brighter and clearer.Then you will find that there arre already 'me' and 'you' in 'us'. So you wouldn't need to use me or you as lkong you have us. And it also makes you feel safe and secure that you will not be alone to face all the problems cuz you will have someone else walking beside you to help you out of your trouble.

vastness of us

                                                               Vastness of Us
        The  word 'us' is vast in its meaning . Though its small size it hold very board meaning. But it needs  a different rulebook to  find the meaning and it needs a different to understand it. So, this is not a task for those who follow some stupid rulebook of  robotifying human beings who are ment to move, act and do freely.
            To be the one to taste the sweetness of this unified word we need to modify ourselves from robotict nature to free moving nature. For that we have to set ourselves free from robotic rules some fools have set out for us. Because they don't have any right to control our movements and snatch our freedom to act as our will. To be able to understand the meaning of this sweet unity we have to learn  to think free and distinguise the right and wrong as our heart tells us rather than believeing  someone else blindfoldedly who themselves don't have a sight to see wath is right and what is wrong. So we have to learn to listen to our heart and see in our conscience to drown ourselves in the vastness of  US.